No Way Out

Rubbing salt into wound

2012-01-16T00:57:00.001+08:00

As if losing in the finals isn't enough, now the free chalet is gone.

The fuck.

But it's funny. YEAHHHHH.

But I know I love kai xuan <3 hehe.

To a very special friend

2012-01-12T03:01:00.001+08:00

Even the coolest guy has his cute side and times of weakness too.

Sometimes he's nice, the next moment he shouts at you.

But that's the way he is, and he is who he is.

And that's what a lot of people admire, being frank about every thing. And letting your disapproval be known when you're unhappy.

You're awesome because you are hungry for success and victory.
You're awesome because you tell people straight in the face about things you dont like.
You're awesome because you made me wake up from a long term infatuation.
You're awesome because you insulted my infatuation like nobodys business.
You're awesome because you hate people who talks emotional stuffs to you.
You're awesome because you play like Rooney.
You're awesome because even though you're super cool, you are super nice.
You're awesome because you always win in arguments.
You're awesome because you cannot lose in rock.scissors paper.
You're awesome because your jokes can make me laugh.
You're awesome because you insult people without feeling guilty.
You're awesome because we make a great singing pair.
You're awesome because we went up the stage together to.thank the school after bdiv, even though I failed in delivering.
You're awesome because you are the top scorer.
You're awesome because talking to you at night makes my body flood with adrenaline.
You're awesome because you are my friend, a very special one.
You're awesome because you scold me in games.
You're awesome because you are the best in bdiv.
You're awesome because we can talk about a wide range of stuffs, ranging from girl to floorball.

And I've gotta say this, sometimes I wonder if you actually regard me as a friend, because you have cliques and gangs out there which u often hang out with, which are filled.with cool people.

So I'll start to wonder, what am I to you?

Reply via sms hehe!

But any case, you're truly an amazing friend, one that I respect and fear, but yet able to chat with.

But still, I love 田馥甄 hehehe. :-)

All again

2011-12-31T03:46:00.001+08:00

This feeling gotta stop. It's just temporary temporary.

I want, need and will get over this

2011-12-26T12:08:00.001+08:00

Try.

Nothing beats spending time with your familyyy

2011-12-20T23:47:00.005+08:00

I love my family.

0-12yrs (love for family gradually increases)
12-14.5yrs (huge drop in love for family)
16yrs onwards. (love for family increases trmendously)

Ha, can really sense it.

12-14.5yrs ===> dark stages of my life. The stupid obstinate ridiculous heartless creature-like 2 years.

Just came back from malaysia. Visited Kota Tinggi and hotel 96. Let the pictures do the talking!

Fun kart plus buggy was awesome. Sorry cousin. My bad.

Me

2011-12-20T23:21:00.002+08:00

People always say that i have no life, and ive kinda gotten used to that.

Because true enough, i dont hang out often, but at the end of the day, im still me, and you, after hanging out so much, are still you.

It's weird because, sometimes people hang out just for the sake of hanging out.

I dont know, but my social circle is smaller than singapore on the world map.

Yes, it is.

But at the end of the day, friends are just friends, acquaintances are just acquaintances.

Im glad i have a few close friends, at least people i can talk to, that would listen, and wouldnt make stupid remarks, and would be willing to share as well. (even though they might not regard me as one)

I am who i am.

《带着眼泪去流浪》

2011-11-23T09:54:00.007+08:00

又是一篇爱情小说，但写出来的感觉与心情却那么逼真，让人非感动不可。故事围绕在作者嘉陌身上。故事看上去还相当简单，不就是作者谈了恋爱，分手了，再交上一位新男友，但最后又错过了。

怎么爱情小说里的结局总是不完美的呢？为什么一定要是一个悲伤的结束，让人心酸，一不小心还真会不禁涌流热泪。

"最大的寂寞不是一个人，而是两个人之后，再变成一个人。"

我真地对当时的选择还蛮高兴的，当初选择美交往，大概是对的选择吧？即使不后悔，但还是感到一息惋惜。因为没尝试，就放弃。但做朋友始终最珍贵。

"你知道喜欢一个人的感觉吗？"

也许吧，我还小，还不知道什么叫做爱。因为要爱就要负起责任，而这就是我最害怕的地方。我每次都在想，当时是不是真的喜欢她？总觉得不是。她没酒窝对吗？哈哈。但一喜欢就是五年，真可笑。但他的华文名字我都不会写，他喜欢什么都比知道，喜欢吃什么也懵懂，其它的就不用说了。

海豚与天使的故事，听过吗？海豚和天使在天使下凡时爱上彼此，但最后天使得回天上去。

"海豚没看到的事，天使飞到半空时，掉下的眼泪。"

"如果那时，海豚让天使留下，天使愿意为了海豚放弃整片天空。"

结果错过了彼此。

做好朋友，应该也不错吧？

至少没伤害对方，没为彼此而难过。

因为爱一个人不是要让她快乐吗？

怎么那么多人至今为了自己心爱的人而哭呢？

真爱，还纯在吗？

婚姻

2011-11-17T20:43:00.003+08:00

结婚，就好像把自己的一生献给对方一样，外表上看了很幸福，但幸福吗？

那些年，我们一起追过的女孩，让我有许多感触，可语言能力不强，不容易表达出来。

“ 好，在一起。”

这句话始终无法从我脑海中消失，因为如果那时他说出了心里话，结局会不会是比较完美的呢？

如果，如果，人生都充满着遗憾，我们都好想知道如果自己做了另一个选择，结果会不会不一样。

“我不要和你在一起，是害怕你追到我以后会变懒惰，不会那么喜欢我了。”
时间真的会冲淡爱情吗？

中国生活看上去好有趣。

故事其实也不就那么简单，俩仁爱上对方，分开了，最后感情也难以维持，最终女主角嫁人了。

看上去那么简单的一则故事，却发人深省。

彼此那么深爱着对方，但却不能够在一起，令人看了好痛苦，好痛苦。

“如果你真的很喜欢很喜欢一个人，当她幸福的时候你也会为他感到快乐。”

也许吧，因为我毕竟自己没有很喜欢很喜欢的一个人，所以大概不会明白这种奇妙的感觉，这种爱的伟大力量。

新加坡的生活那么紧张，根本没什么时间思考，不是念书，就是工作，有时候真的令人感到很疲倦，很疲倦。

可我自己也还那么年轻，还有一段路要自己面对，自己走下去。

爱情，真够让人们烦恼的。

婚姻，将会变成一种责任，而不是浪漫的爱情，真残酷，真现实。

但可能我遇见你后就会有不同的思考方式吧。

两个彼此相爱的人，最终为什么总是不能够在一起，不能够结为夫妻，总是错过了一些小事。

“你想知道答案吗？”
“不要你不可以拒绝我，请让我继续喜欢你。”

被爱，一定很幸福吧？

2011-09-25T13:04:00.002+08:00

What we have, we take it for granted.

Final lap.

Just push, like how we trained for bdiv, just that extra bit of effort more, just that extra breath, just 400m left, seemingly easy but yet challenging.

Even if it means burning my lungs out, i will give it the best shot.

Languages, i've not been able to do anything about you.

BUt ill make sure i do.

Memorising subjects, i must make sure i can vomit all the facts out that day.

Bless us.

2011-08-08T16:52:00.002+08:00

Fought back tears.

2011-08-06T14:17:00.002+08:00

Actually, I did really felt a sense of deja vu, just that its not an illusion.

Just played back the snapshot i took inside me head where ah gong laid asleep forever.

And all of a sudden my aunt mentioned my grandmother just lost weight.

And told us to visit her frequently.

My last grandparent, can i not lose you?

And i've learnt to face up with reality, face up to death.

So i wish that if anything was to happen to me, a wake would not be held for me.

Because the sufferings i would bring to my family makes me even more sorrowful.

Time

2011-07-30T22:49:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

Today i learnt something extraordinary yet again.

God give each and everyone of us 24 hours a day, no more and no less.

He probably knew we had to get enough rest of 8 hours.

16 hours left, he probably want us to give 5 to ourselves, 5 to friends, and 5 to family, and 1 for... transition?

Oh well, at least thats what he hoped for. Seems like everyone can change the timing themselves cant we?

Now its 14 to ourselves and friends, 1 more getting back home as a place to eat, sleep, drink, rest, before embarking on your next outing with your friends.

Hi, when can we play basketball together?

I cant remember how long i asked this before, but i still continue asking during the weekends. But seems like im not even worthy of 1 hour of his 16 hours.

It all boils down to spouse again, girlfriend i mean.

You have to please her dont you? I mean, after a torturous and jejune week in camp, surely you want to be with her...

But i thought surely, there would be some time in the morning or something that maybe we could catch up on what we've missed. Maybe, just maybe. It's my wishful thinking.

You said you want to catch some sleep in the morning. Well, okay...

But the next moment i knew, you were out for breakfast with your friends when i was yawning.

Ya, its his life, not mine.. What can i ask from him? Nothing. Not even an hour.

God, i pray that you could grant each of us another hour, because i cant dig out any hour from his 24 hours. Not his sleep, not his time with his friends, not his time with his girl, not anything.

I cant help but think, is it over?

It probably is.

Friends over family.
Girl over family.

Ha, i fucking tried to give a grin
But he always chooses the girl instead of his kin.
The ones who understood him although no one knew what he mean.
The ones who've been with him thorugh thick and thin.

I tried to laugh, i tried to smile
But i dont see the reason why and how
How long has he known her, for a while?
And how long have we been walking with him, for a mile?

I guess maybe this is what life is all about
You take from your family and give nothing back out
The amount of money spent on your girl,
could probably last me five fucking long years.

Death

2011-07-28T19:07:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

this morning i was standing on the pavement waiting for the traffic light to turn to green man.

as a lorry sped past me, i was momentarily stunned.

i thought how it would be like if i were just a step ahead.

crushed into pieces?
flattened?
dismantled?

Dead.

such small things in life seem to make me cherish my life more.

or maybe, it shows how sometimes its good to not be a step in front.

maybe just maybe, you dont always have to be always ahead of others, because they will get killed and you can cross the road safely.

prgressing too fast probably isnt good.

so ill watch you get killed before i catch up with you, walk past your shattered body, laugh at you, and hold my head high and walk ahead.

Life's amazing

2011-07-06T17:34:00.003+08:00

Dear diary,

It's amazing how little things in life can cheer you up and make you smile heartily yet at the same time sheepishly.

It's amazing how good grades can make you feel so happy and make you feel that everything had been worth the sacrifice and effort.

I'm a free thinker, but somehow i believe that god gave me this. It's weird, because a free thinker has no god to turn to in times of help, and he pays no respect to any god on any occasion.

I mean, i dont go to no church and dont worship god in church, but yet he answers my prayers. It's that amazing sometimes.

But yet i cant confirm if it's really god, because i dont know. Nobody knows. Probably it's this mysterious feeling that makes life so amazing.

Because it could probably be my grandfather, because he has always been so good to us. It would be no surprise that he continue to bless us in whatever place he is in now, free from worries and woes.

I'm really grateful for the great results that i've received so far, at least to me. I've been smiling after receiving paper after paper, and i certainly wouldnt wish to frown and grim.

But let's face it, it's harsh sometimes. Tomorrow's gonna come and i'll still have to face it anyway. Pretty much flunked my composition. I cant believe i continued writing even though i've lost myself totally in the story. No, i wasnt so immersed and engrossed in the story, it's because the more i write, the more it doesn't make any sense to me.

Got to admit i felt dejected after not seeing my name on the bio hof. But still very much glad with my results, since i actually took the time to study.

Diary you know, its weird because, im afraid now that i cant do well for prelim 3. I've always felt like this. After an exam which i did pretty well in, ill start to worry about doing as well in the next exam. Ill start to think, how? Am i supposed to study like how i did for the previous exams so that i can achieve as good a grade? I really dont know, but somehow i've survived my education career till now.

I cant help but think of something my classmate said to me again.

"I seriously dont know how you got top 10 in class one sia."

Cause ya, i gotta admit he's smarter than me, but hey, words do really hurt.

Maybe i should leave it to divine to intervene, becuase i cant possibly punch him can i?

Well i can, but its not gonna be worth it.

Diary, i hope that tomorrow i will continue smiling, even if my results are horrendous. Please, thank you. (:

Thank you diary.

Why

2011-07-01T22:19:00.002+08:00

Why do holidays pass so fast

Soon ill be back in school to rust

With all those stacks of worksheet come crashing down on me

Its almost impossible to even breathe

All the games that i play will be gone

And ill have to wake up early in the morn

Karaoke sessions will be history

As the road to excellence starts competitively

To be faced with all those useless facts

To suffocate under the math questions

Ill be practically stepping on thumbtacks

While i try to divide the fucking fractions

Sometimes i wonder why we are working hard

Afterall in the end we will all have to die

Then again it helps you when you grow up

To avoid the economic bind

Karaoke is so fun...........
It had just become another reason for my existence.

Family=the best

2011-06-30T21:09:00.003+08:00

Just returned from larkin for a short holiday trip.

Had a taste of what is life which i gladly sipped.

Games after movies everyday.

Its fucking awesome kay.

Whats more my family rocks.

So much that when it ended i sobbed.

2011-06-25T00:18:00.002+08:00

Finally this week is over, i was lamenting everyday and wishing it would be friday the next day, of course to no avail.

But i finally got through somehow or another, and friday arrived, and chemistry paper ended, and freedom was bestowed upon us when we stepped out of exam hall.

I thought i would be way happier than that, like screaming and shouting and just going absolutely crazy. I didnt, it beats me too. I thought i would be like smiling and laughing and seriously put everything aside and just laugh like a crackpot would.

At least theres a malaysia trip to look forward to and KARAOKE...!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT AND NEED TO SING, REAL REAL REAL LOUD!!!!!!!!

I WANT TO SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-06-17T14:09:00.001+08:00

Sorry, i realied my life isnt that bad after all.

The thai teen girl is really amazing.

2011-06-15T01:11:00.001+08:00

If you are saying FML, FML, FML,

HOW ABOUT YOU TRY MY LIFE?

2011-06-08T09:28:00.000+08:00

Time to study, real real real hard.

2011-06-05T23:46:00.003+08:00

So, a lot of classes are saying that 4-1 is very competitive.

I mean, i dont disagree, but competition makes you improve doesnt it?

Any case, 4-1 is still a brilliant class to be in.

Amazing class to be in.

Im looking up to the china scholars for motivation and inspiration.

Just admire their sure determination and hard work.

Time management

2011-06-05T12:56:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

Please help me to wake up from my senses soon. I've been thinking that i still have a lot of time to study, but actually i dont. I always have to wait till the last minute before i realise that there isnt any time left for me to study.

And yet, people are asking me how i am so self disciplined?!?!?! HAHAHA oh my god, i really cant believe it.

I need to wake up pretty soon, like right now. Right after today. AFter the zarf game. Cause i am studying after that until after exams. Scoreline probably 20+ to 3? Guess we'd score some.

Really looking forward to after olevels.

But then again, theres still a levels.

THen again, theres U if i pursue.

Then again, theres still the mundane work everyday.

But then again, i dont have to memorise stuffs like whats gorbachevs reforms are for, what year? Why did it fail? was it a total failure? all these kind of irrelevant stuffs.

I mean, really, what can history do for us in the future?

Learn from the mistakes in the past and not repeat 'em?

I doubt so, cause all im learning now is how to memorise and regurgitate, thereafter the facts just vanishes miraculously.

Well, at least im starting to like novels now.

James Patterson is officially my western idol.

2011-06-03T19:07:00.000+08:00

Thank god. (:

GRATZ BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Drive me around around and around.

Knew you could do it hahaahahahahahahahahahaha.

Cause you seem to fail in nothing.

2011-05-30T19:52:00.002+08:00

Im sure of my target now, very sure.

Just gonna study hard to repay my parents.

What they had done for me is right more.

But this is my only form of repayment as of now.

Im ready bring it on.

I have to make the cut.

Come on here i come slut.

2011-05-27T20:16:00.002+08:00

Just so disappointed..

way off my expectations, way off my target, way off my dream to excellence.

let down myself, let down my parents, let down my teacher.

I looked back at the questions i answered incorrectly,

some were really goofy.

My dreams

2011-05-20T21:15:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

I had been repeatedly questioning myself about what i want to achieve in life these past few days.

Maybe it might sound pretty stupid now, but at least i want to remember that i once had this dream, taking for granted that blogger will still be in existence after ive grown up.

- I want to take my parents on a holiday to taiwan after i've grown up for a holiday.
- I hope to find hebe in taiwan one day and take a picture with her. (:

I can pretty much leave with no regrets after i've accomplished these two.

Ha.

I wish we dont have to die.

Hang in there

2011-05-17T19:06:00.000+08:00

It sucks when you suck.

God bless history tomorrow. Got to rearrange my points (:

2011-05-16T20:14:00.001+08:00

Why is it that when i walk past you, i feel so inferior, almost as if im afraid of you. Well sure thing, since i've lost. But i wasnt in the race anyway.

But seriously, from what i see, you can treat better.

Theres always two sides to it

2011-05-16T20:08:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

I flipped open my history prelim 2 paper today and stared at the question blankly. I studied, but the points are all afloat in my head, unable to piece together, i knew it, but i couldnt resolve it.

I stared at the first question in utter shock, i was aghast. Seriously, i read the question repeatedly in my head, verbatim. I couldnt find any clues. Fuck it, i thought. At least theres still the 2nd question.

Blank again. I was stunned. My heart almost skipped two beats, really. My mind was racing, i was trying to calm myself down. Yes, indeed, the things i studied started to flow back smoothly.

But the fire alarm sounded when i finished my 2nd point. I was cheering to myself in my heart, since i had no idea about the first question.

It seemed that god had given me a chance to redeem myself. I thanked him.

And i will rearrange the points in my head, and step into the exam hall in sheer confidence.

Nothing must go wrong, i have no more excuse for bad results anymore.

2011-04-27T22:34:00.004+08:00

I told the world
I dont give a fucking damn
I dont even fucking care
When you're scared
when you're whacked
when you're sad

Cause you dont even know me
but maybe we were never meant to be
what i know is
you ignored me when i was at my lowest

i hinted you
but you simply feigned fool
or maybe you are just a bull
or maybe i was just a tool

But all i want now is 6 points,
no one can fucking spoil,
i look at myself and ask,
am i working hard enough?

2011-04-14T19:10:00.000+08:00

I thought..

一份耕耘，一份收获？Maybe not.

2011-04-09T21:13:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

I dont know if im putting enough effort currently in my studies, because i cant seem to be able to master everything. Every test that i do, there are bound to be mistakes that i cant resolve at all. Every test that i do, despite the immense effort i pour in, i just cant seem to score well. I probably have not put in enough to attain the desirable results, have i?

I ask myself almost everyday, what exactly do i want to achieve? It seems like the answer to my previous question is surfacing, that i have not wanted it enough to get it.

Yearning for something doesnt always let you get it. But yet 10 marks off the perfect score isnt the most outstanding results of all, especially since the level of difficulty of the quiz is below average.

For every quiz, i've been analysing my mistakes, even painstakingly copying down the questions that i wanted to bring out in class. Now, i dont anymore. Its not that i dont want to, but i found it meaningless.

Someone once cannoned at me directly in the face,"I seriously dont know how you achieved top few in class last year..."

I tried to smile it off, but yet on the way home, i started to doubt my abilities. But today i visited darrell's blog, and read,

"when someone tries to bring you down, it means you are above them."

Am i really above them, or rather was i in the first place? I started to doubt my abilities, especially so after the numerous class tests which i failed to excel in. I was never hoping for being the top in class, i simply wanted to do well.

But when i stare blankly at my egregious results, it read "22/35". And it was an electrolysis test.

Then i bring myself back to the previous question, "did i want it enough?"

Did i want to achieve a good result enough?

Apparently not.

I flipped through the paper in sheer shame, as i looked left and right in vain in search of a lower grade.

You see, maybe its human's nature, maybe it's my nature, but whenever i score badly in a test, i try to seek a lower grade to comfort myself. You may call me wicked, shrewd, malevolent, whatever. But all i know is in this world,

its every man for himself

Reluctantly or non-reluctanly, i looked back at my floorball "career".

I started off in sec 2 outside the court practising my juggling and dribbling, and as i gaze into the court, i saw lightning dribbling, unstoppable shootings, attention-seeking tricks, amazing air hooking, strong defending, intimidating offense. I knew i wanted to get there, so i worked hard towards it, i wanted it so much that i devoted all my efforts into it.

I entered the team.

After the humiliting first round exit of CHS floorball back in 2010, we knew we wanted the results.

We expanded our lungs, we tortured our legs, we tortured our minds, we basically just fucked ourselves inside out, and we got to where we want today, absolutely no questions.

You reap what you sow, im still contemplating about its authenticity.

I should study until i cry,vomit,bleed,blank out,faint,blackout,blankout.

WHy the hell are my results going DOWNNNNNN. downright down.

Its gonna be worthwhile.

Fixed life

2011-04-02T02:10:00.002+08:00

Daily routine: (weekday)

0545-0615: wake up and head to school
0815-1425: lessons for the whole day, with my handbook gasping for space
0300-late afternoon: remedials
late afternoon-night: study for tests/do homework
0200: retire

(weekend):
Study, study, do homework, do homework, (play).

Its been like this for quite a while already, and i'm already getting sick of it.

At least theres training on wednesday and matches on weekends.

I guess i just found another reason why i love floorball so much

勾勾手

2011-04-02T02:00:00.000+08:00

上瘾了。

em waves song

2011-04-02T01:56:00.000+08:00

Yeah this is my type.

This feeling sucks

2011-03-26T22:21:00.002+08:00

It sucks when after years of writing narrative essays, your teacher just tells you straight in your face,

i think you don't write narrative essays la

It sucks because i've been putting in a lot of effort in trying to perfect my narrative essay, been trying to use a wide range of vocab, been keeping a vocab book, been trying to paint the picture in the story, been trying to show instead of tell, been trying to pique the reader's interest, been trying to create a sense of suspense, been trying everything that i've been told to try.

But in the end, all you get is again,

i think you try writing expositions, and start easy.

I tell you, i've been trying hard to improve my english.

I wish i were dickson.

Dont ya know?

2011-03-24T18:51:00.003+08:00

Joining back combined schools after some massive struggle inside my mind.

But really, why did you doubt me? I wasnt waiting for the coach sms to get me back.

Dont ya know, dont ya know,
that somehow i still love you so.
I think its only right,
to chuck me by the side.
For if i still had you,
it'd be just a big boohoo.

2011-03-21T19:03:00.000+08:00

Have had enough. It's time for break, for studies.

Bubbles

2011-03-19T12:12:00.002+08:00

These few days had been so unbearable, but i survived somehow. I really cannot imagine how life will be like as olevels draw closer gradually. Well, its inexorable anyway, so why not just face it?

Actually, working extra hard in the day makes you so much more happier at night. I can guarantee. These 2 days i've been working hard to get my work done and catch up on everything that i've missed previously. (CH FLOORBALL FTW!)

After putting in all those little bits of efforts to fully comprehend the topic and overcoming the temptation of lying on the bed just for a few seconds, i felt extremely proud of myself. Really, all these while, i've been falling asleep shortly after starting to study. I really hated myself for that, because i had to face the consequence of late nights almost every night to make up for the time i spent napping. I literally slept at 1+ almost every night, having to wake up at 6.15 the very same morning. Im not trying to be a martyr, but seriously, its that terrible.

I used to find studying drab, or maybe i still do now. But i've been trying to change my mindset, and i think everyone should too.

I can fully understand how the sight of those grisly those piles of homeworks are. But since you have to face them anyway. why not start today? And when you feel tired of all these jumble, go for a jog at the nearby park.

And that's what i did. When you feel distraught over your academics, take a break by exercising instead of indulging yourself with the dota game. Well maybe you guys can afford the time, but i still need to work on both my languages. I've really envied those with a strong command of english and chinese.

I clocked 9mins for 2.4. (: Ha, maybe the park measurement is screwed up, im not very sure about that. But i ran my heart out during the 9 minutes. Just throw everything away, and push yourself towards the end.

I kept replaying images of how we trained for this season to earn this championship.

True enough, i finished the run.

As i rested on the sit up bench, i wandered around and found myself staring at the playground. Witnessed a game of catching by 2 small kids.

I swear i was cursing inside my heart. Screw it, i wanna be like them. I shook my head to head back to reality.

And as i saw a child blow bubbles through some weird machine, a bubble blower perhaps, i cant help it but playback images of the past.

I remembered how i used to try to catch the bubbles, but after having failed repeatedly, i still didnt give up.

Can i return to being how innocent i was?

Floorball nationals bdivision 2011

2011-03-17T15:15:00.003+08:00

I laid back against the back chair in my study room, allowing my brain cells some repose. Wandering my eyes around the room in hope of something beautiful, i came across the to-do-list pasted on my glass cover of the bookshelf.

-Top 4 (accomplished)
-Champions (accomplished yet again)

Looking back, its really unbelievable. We were out of the first round last year, but yet this year, we were never knocked out. But the thought of having lost to bukit merah makes our victory so much less sweeter. But we know we can beat them, we showed them way too much respect that time. We were afraid of them.

But watching my to-do-list accomplished, i cannoth help but feel satisfied.

Though the sweetness of champions isnt there anymore, but

We would leave to regret it had we not won.

But why do other schools still look down on us? Maybe its time for catholic high to rise up against the powerhouses and show them what we are fucking made of.

Its a bunch of hidden talents in us.

Will the bdiv next year be able to achieve the same results? Idk, idc. But i will be at the finals.

I just wish we had more time together as a team, that we will never be apart, that we can continue to train together, push one another, encourage one another, reprimand one another, motivate one another, insult one another.

But everything has to come to an end in the end right?

Its the memories that matter.

I love all of you, more than anybody else.

2011-03-16T23:34:00.001+08:00

Well, actually i took quite a while to change to this skin i prefer. But all i get is,

what the dick

2011-03-16T23:30:00.002+08:00

I wish to go for karaoke someday soon.

But all i have now is work, work, work.

It will all be worthwhile. I cant possibly disappoint my parents.

Im betting on you,
you reap what you sow

How am i supposed to study for so long?

A fresh look

2011-03-16T23:25:00.002+08:00

Just want a fresh look and a fresh start.

As we grow up, we've actually forgotten what brought us up.

Yeah, im just trying to bring back my childhood memories, though tom and jerry has still managed to impress me till today.

I believe it would even when i've grown up.

When i look back to the past, i smile.
But the moment i turn back to my books, i cant, simply cant.

Why is everyone saying im studying a lot?
Well actually i wish i do.

Nationals is over now, just nothing more to look forward to anymore. Just remedials and remedials and piles after piles of homework.

Studying is my life now, what more can i hope for?

You fucker.

Unbelievable

2011-03-09T22:12:00.002+08:00

This is just so unbelievable, just defeated northland 3-2 today thanks to some luck.

Had a really really bad game conceding both goals the opponent scored. Scored 1 to redeem myself a bit. But still -1 overall, plus a lot of bad passes.

Our road to today was really hard, but we somehow managed to pull through everytime. We've beaten victoria, but they obviously werent at their best and didnt give it all out at least.

The finals atmosphere will be oh so wonderful.

It doesnt matter if we win or lose. But who would want to lose?

I promised

2011-02-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

I promised myself to only focus on floorball this term and achieve our dream goal. I dont know if i've kept to this promise, but this promise seems relatively easy, since there is no need to study and just keep training.

But yet i cant possibly leave school work alone, but my efforts werent supposed to pay off, since i studied everything like last minute. Not expceting any good grades this term, already screwed up so many.

Emath: 77 rounded up. A2
A math: 70 B3/A2
SS: 17/25 B3

I promised myself to work hard for this year too, but i broke it again.

Looks like my luck has ended, my luck to study right before exams and still achieve good grades have ended.

It should have long ago, shouldnt it? Luckily it ended now, since ill have the time to work on it before o levels.

But my main focus now is NATIONALS. It surpasses any shit, literally any. O level SPA, postpone, take earlier.

Good news is we topped the group for 2nd round with maximum points.

3rd round is all up to us already. Zero room for error. Really hungry.

20.5/25 for geog is the minimum i must get.

2011-02-13T19:54:00.002+08:00

Here i am, whining that i dont have enough time to use.
But there i am, wasting time away, sleeping, napping, snoozing, dozing.

Little ironies in life.

I just want to be a normal civilian.
I wish everything has finished.

Someone once asked me, "Do you miss 2-1?"
Not really, its the same isnt it? Everyone in their classes?

Realised i do now. Especially victor kai jiun. I tell you, i even miss anders. HAHAHA.

2011-02-11T20:08:00.003+08:00

Late nights almost everyday, prelim 1 coming. Competition on-going.

Tired, drained, breaking down.

East view, Coral, Bedok Town. We cant afford to lose any.

Yes, nationals is of top priority now. No doubts.

God bless my brother in NS and keep him safe of all dangers.

I hate my life for now

2011-02-03T03:28:00.002+08:00

Just feel like breaking down and screaming, holding my hands at the back of my head and escaping from reality. All i want is to pull my hair and clench my teeth and slam against the study table. Finally resting my head on the study table to escape into another world.

Back from australia on monday. Thanks Mum,Dad,Bro,Auntshirley and Cousin amos!

To be faced with all these shitz, should i have not gone instead?

Reunion dinner at my grandparents house today. Guess what? Only my family ate cause we arrived late. The rest had eaten or wasnt around anymore. Just suddenly had the urge to say out,"is this srsly reunion dinner?" I felt lost for a moment, as memories of last year with my grandpa flowed back naturally. I miss him, really. Its the 1st chinese new year without him, how am i supposed to get used to it? We used to bring 4 oranges back, 2 for ah gong, two for ah po. Do we take two now? Really gonna be so damn weird, im afraid ill call out for ah gong ah po when i arrive.

Its all the shitz of life surfacing, all at one go. Its just a tougher part of my life for the moment. It'll be over soon. Missing too many lessons. Gotta catch up.

Can anyone save me? Damn DULAN.

好想问你，对我到底有没有东西？
沉默太久，只会让我不小心犯错。

Sleep

2011-01-15T01:08:00.002+08:00

I used to think sleep is wasting our time away, as we spend almost 1/3 of the day sleeping. But all i wanted this week was sleep. If i could ask a genie for anything, id ask for a good sleep.

Trainings from tuesday-Saturday. Excused from 1 set of physical training, felt really bad but had to listen to coach's instructions. He knows best, i hope. Lol.

Cant really estimate if im giving my 100% during the pt cause sometimes its just hard to gauge isnt it? Felt really really slow, which i am getting.

Im dozing off in school more often than not now, cant help it cause i only had 3 hours of sleep. Cant believe i actually dozed off during team talk. Sorry.

But in lesssons we need to choose the right time to sleep. I slept during 1st period of eng lesson cause she was basically talking bout some useless stuffs, which i appreciated. Slept till she said, "What are those 2 boys doing there?" My partner was asleep too. XD

Yes, im off to catch some sleep now. Friendly tmr. GO CHS FLOORBALL!

welcome to my life

2011-01-03T22:57:00.002+08:00

As we welcome 2011 into our lives, what we forgot about amidst those joy and celebration is that 2012 is going to be the end of the world. The prophet said so didnt he? i mean, he made a name for himself by predicting 911. So what for work hard? Im always asking myself this question.

The bright side goes: In case it doesnt end.
The dark side goes: Yeap, go fuck hell yeah.

yes, the bright side makes more sense doesnt it? I mean, will the WORLD SERIOUSLY COME TO AN END? I dont believe it. People are already making plans for 2014 world cup.

Happy belated birthday to my dad! 1st Jan, what a special date for a birthday. Dont think you really appreciated my present though i stayed up till 2am to complete it. I really spent a lot of effort i swear, but i saw that apathy in your face, yeah i saw through you. My mum saw it too and asked, "arent you touched?"

"yeah i am."

Haha, i tried to smile, i tried to laugh, i tried to look happy. But i wasnt. I didnt know why i did that video too. Maybe it was rubbish afterall. He didnt even ask for a disc for that, or the thumbdrive i used. I dont blame him, cause he doesnt use the computer afterall. But yah, its just another 5 min video for him. But i thought it was worthwhile. At least i felt i tried my best.

Welcome sec 4 life, so many challenges ahead. BDiv especially, we've worked so hard for it. Its now or never for us. Theres only 1 goal, champions.

Apac? Will i get selected? Even if i am, will i go? Miss one whole week of school right before prelim 1. Is it worth the risk? I dont know, im just taking one step at a time. Just attending schools training as training for bdivision. Sometimes i hope they wont select me for apac, then i would have no worries. But sometimes i wish i would be selected. Cause sometimes i really want to go.

But.. I dont know, i feel like talking to someone now for advice. But i have to make the decision myself anyway. I wish all my neighbours were my cousins. Then we can meet everyday.

Welcome 2011, im ready.

2010-12-22T01:04:00.000+08:00

hoodie i bought!

absolutely heavenly

2010-12-21T23:50:00.002+08:00

What a break, really. To escape from all these shitz of life, homework, training, go home, watch tv, play ps2, sleep. Training, go home, sleep, do homework. My holiday has been going on in this cycle, and im absolutely not surprised. And to escape from all these during these 6 days, it was absolutely heavenly.

Set off on saturday morning, grumbled as i climbed out of the bed, but to realise that we are actually leaving for malaysia already. The mood is like so different from waking up early to attend school or even training. Sometimes yes, you can get that tired of it. Escaped the pain of a jam luckily, and somehow or rather found my aunt's place in malaysia. Breakfast was brilliant. So was my feelings.

Headed for giantsupermart and i got a formal shirt from there. Dont think will really wear it but bought it anyhow. Loved it anyway. I guess it was time to buy things i like right? Afterall how long have i been saving already. Returning home like everyday and not attending events.

I dreaded the sleep at night,but night fell any case. I mean, would the night not fall for me? Kay no. Would anyone fall for me? Yeah its a no too. Had dinner at some restaurant which we took half an hour to reach when it is like a few kilometres away. Toured almost the whole of larkin as we entered some village. Lol it was exciting enough, somehow god paved the way for us to the restaurant. And the food wasnt a bit disappointing. 9/10! The more you think something will happen, the more it will not happen. Cause somehow i managed to sleep till dawn broke! Amazing. And i couldnt wake up. Thats even more amazing than amazing. Cause apparently i was sleeping on some mat that isnt supposed to be too comfortable. I woke up to realise that my cousin was still not here yet. Bahhhh, im getting bored out soon.

My uncle only reached at afternoon, and we set out for malacca early afternoon. Was gonna waste the day for sure already, as things were made worse as we got stuck in a traffic jam. Stupid tourists ya daddy? Jonker walk at night was simply a waste of time for me, as i headed back to the room with 4 books of lao fu zi. Lol, 10 ringgit. Wth..

I realised i was getting closer and closer to my cousin as the day passed, and felt really safe and close to her. Its like, i could almost tell her everything. My deepest secrets, which apparently i dont have one. Yah, but she's so trustable that you can tell her almost anything, and you could be sure its between the two of us. Theres this special feeling after you say out, cause this is like some shared secret between us that adults wont know, so its awesome. you dig?

Shopped for almost the entire afternoon the next day, and got a hoodie, bermudas, sneakers. Loved all three, really. I didnt regret buying the hoodie yes cousin? Yeah, i saw a jacket that i loved a lot before i bought this current one but apparently there isnt any size for me. S was too small while i thought XL would be too big. Didnt try did i. As my cousin bought it the next morning and i tried and it actually fits into me. XL yes. But im really alright yes. Im satisfied with my own. Its cheaper too! Yes, im wearing that!

The bak kut teh was absolutely horrible. Dont wanna talk about it, it was almost tasteless, or rather sorry, it was sweet! Omgwth,thas absolutely repugnant. Okay not to that extent but yeah, i hated it. And ya, wash and cut my hair for RM 3. Cut by some inexperienced student. But yeah, look at the picture. It looks fine doesnt it? I think i look fine, so yeah, keep your comments to yourself. Took almost 2 hours to finish the haircut. WOW. I slept halfway thru it. It was absolutely slow motion. I mean, i didnt have a lot of hair to cut right? But YA, she took 2 hours! Gosh, but i think at least she didnt really screw it up. So thumbs up!

It was already 3+ when we set off for genting. Absolutely late. SGD170+ will be wasted. Yeah, one night is that expensive. And apparently we estimated to reach maybe around 7? But oh my god, my uncle's GPS is abslolutely screwed up. Led us to the shorter route and brought us in to KL. One wrong turn... And you freaking face a million cars in front of you. It was distressing. As the cars didnt move and you cant move too. Just felt like screaming out super loud then. Ya, its that bad. Finally my dad led the way and we somehow reached genting. Human brain>GPS.

Arrival time: 8+..

Stepped out of the car and froze. Yeah, it was cold. But hell, its only like 17degree celsius. Whats happening in other countries now? Negative.

I froze any case. Ya maybe not, but it was cold anyway. Quickly checked into the hotel room. But god, its on the 2nd floor. Nice scenery indeed. We opened the window to be faced with the air con duct. Phew, when can things start to go smoothly?

I guessed as much, it was the next day. Theme park!!!!!!!! And with my cousins and all, its gonna be hell yeah fun to the max. But freak, human jam. Kay it wasnt a jam, but the queue makes everything so much less exciting. Sat all the rides with my most wonderful cousin, and really enjoyed it a lot. Flying coaster was like..okay.. Haha, i mean, i was scared when we reached the top. I started having second thoughts about the ride but yeah, nah, how am i supposed to get out then? Just braved through it and yeah, it isnt really that scary afterall. Corkscrew has already became a child's play now, as my cousin's face was like..diao? Is this all?

Turbo drop was omg wtf. The sound as the machine reached the top was absolutely daunting. But i still went anyhow. Besides ive tried this before. But as we escalated up into the air, yeah its not as fun as it seems now. It was a matter of life and death, as the machine shot down ruthlessly. The inertia force was forcing me up the sky, as the seatbelts held me back down. I was thankful for once, i held the handrails tight. I didnt scream, as the gum was in my mouth. I was stunned for a moment as we got down, trying to get myself back in the right mind. I looked around and hey, that was fun. LOL. It really was. But it wouldnt be.

Flume ride was disastrous. Got myself all wet but hey! It was thrilling. Didnt really expect it but ya, we had a great time on the ride. At least it was worth the wait, not like some rolling thunder mine train. Yeah it was absolutely thunder. Noisy to the max.

Spinner still remained as my most enjoyed game. The wind that gushes against my face was totally enjoyable. I always smiled when i sat on the seat. In addition the seat was single, so when the machine rotated i thought through a lot about of life. The feeling on it is undescribable. You just cant get tired of it. It was wednesday then. I almost felt like sobbing as this trip was going to be over. If i still had you maybe i would have looked forward to reaching back in singapore. But i dont. I could tell that my brother was dying to reach back in singapore, as he lamented that this trip was excpetionally long. Maybe his post exam life now is carefree, but hey, i face all the shitz. It was going to be over, for the 4000+ time in my life. I gotta admit defeat to nature, as the temperature fell lower and lower. The swing wasnt cooling anymore. It was freeeezing. Rain started to settle in as the outdoor theme park as coming to an end. My day was coming to an end too. I prayed to god not to rain that night, but it still rained anyway. But had a pretty good time with 2 of my cousins at night time, sitting the spinner over and over again. We are still children afterall, how i wish we would never grow up.

Well, i still remember we made a lot of promises with my maternal side cousins, that we would still meet up next time when we grow up even when we have our own families. Seriously who is gonna remember this? Who's gonna remember the fun time we had? Who's gonna remember how yall bullied me when i was young? Who's gonna remember how GL i was when i was young? Would we acutually meet up next time? Would we still talk to one another like we are doing now? Or would we be short of topics?

The trip was getting to an end. I was feeling so down. At least i still have 1 more night with my cousin i thought. I had so much to talk to her. But the motion master was a disaster for her. Yeah, 4d. I thought it was really thrilling. But she almost threw up. had to take care of her since i was the oldest, but i guess she was fine.

As we made the decision to head back for the hotel room, i knew it was really all over. No more i guess. Is this the last trip already? My brother's going into NS Februray. By the time he's out maybe he would be planning for his wedding. Where is the time to go overseas? It was really emotional for me, i missed the times. I always miss last times. But... It just sucks. To know that time machine can never be invented.

Treated my cousin to sweetcorn in return for a wonderful talk! Hahaha, would she have told me anyway? I hoped so. Had a really quiet talk with my cousin that night, as we shared secrets with each other. Which apparently i have no more since i've already told her my one and only one. Which is uber retarded. So i stood to gain. The night was peaceful, and i was enjoying the serenity as everyone was asleep and only my cousin and i were left. We sat on the chair and chatted. I never felt this good before. Maybe she's awesome. She shared her problems, and i tried to help her. Which apparently i didnt hahaha. But at least i satisfied my curious heart. (:

I guess girlfriends are unnecessary at our age, cause i almost felt like my cousin was my other half! She was absolutely amazing. She could just talk about anything! Thats why, blood is always thicker than water for me. It was so safe to talk to her about anything, she listens, she smiles. I listen, i laugh. We listen, we laugh. Yeah, its all too good to be true aint it? I guess we grew closer during this trip. I felt i really like her a lot! Haha, its weird isnt it? I have no idea how much i disliked her last time. Somehow or rather, yeah. I stole her number from my mum, start to sms her, and we grew close gradually! Until this stage of chats. And she resembles dawn yeoh! Yeah, she's pretty!

im 15 and shes 12. 10 years later whats gonna happen? I really wonder.. But i dont want it to.. I wish this trip would never end. How innocent of me. Every good thing has to come to an end. Well, at least i had a great time. Maybe this would be the last time, but ill have to accept it. Its life.

Cousin faltered at 3. So we went back to our rooms to retire. I lay on the bed and realised it was all over now. Wake up tomorrow and its all finished. This trip is over. I felt like my life was over suddenly. Its those weird feeling that you'll have. My dad drove, we slept. And we ate our final dinner. Luckily it summed up very nicely this splendid trip.

I wish i could have everything i want.
I wish my cousin was part of my life.
I wish nothing would come to an end.
I wish.. I wish..

-The end of Malacca/Genting trip December 2010-

<3

Off for a break

2010-12-10T17:09:00.002+08:00

Finally off for holiday tomorrow!! Really need a break badly, though might rish my fitness, but i really feel like taking a break already. Super tired. Maybe miraculously ill be better when i come back.

Just changed my blade to orange orc. Really suit my stick perfectly i feel, credits go to my mum! She is really that good you know, just one call by her and this is what i get. Thanks mum, you're great!!

Pt yesterday was hell, but guess thats what we need. To think about all thurdays being like that, really dreading trainings now. But we are too looking forward to training. I hope this will be good, well we should trust our coach shouldnt we? We'll have to listen to him afterall.

Ran till felt like puking. Throat was dry to the max. And didnt pass the timing once. Improve then deprove again. But maybe other schools can do more sets, we cant lose to them. Yeah, celebrate when we get top 4. We have to yeah.

Just played River Valley yesterday, scoreline was 11-1. I still cant freaking trace the line of shot perfectly, still letting them take shots at the goal. Zz, if they were better shooters the scoreline will be much higher to them. Scored 2 goals, 1 lucky wrap around and 1 lucky shot. Bahhhh, missed 4 1-1 with keeper. 4!! Wtf, kept shooting at the keeper! 1st one actually shot wide, fuck it was freaking in front of the goal. Otherwise quite alright. Couldnt really step up to the game in the beginning, but started to gain focus after a while. Would have lost if it was Victoria. Bahhhhhhhhhh, really need to buck up.

And i really love my orange orc blade to the max. And i really love my cip to the max max max.

Off to malaysia tomorrow. Floorball on next sat. So long, mates. I need a break too!

101st day today. How are you?

Happy birthday!!!!! Can you hear me?

What a fresh start

2010-12-06T19:34:00.002+08:00

Here's an update of last week, its been one of the biggest challenge in my life this far, well maybe a bit exaggerated, but it was hectic alright.

Had the first session of the CIP at marymount area and totally didnt regret it on monday. Was awesome as i said, nothing less than that. Kinda motivated me to study hard after seeing how the kids there work so hard and doing their work so seriously.

Normal training on tuesday, wasnt up to standard at all. No energy, no nothing. Probably too excited for the camp. :) Got over it anyhow, its just one of the bad days.

Hopped to school on wednesday to get ready for the start of the camp! How was i feeling then? Recalling back to that day, i was screaming inside my heart why im bringing such a feaking heavy and bulky bag. My shoulders were aching as hell, the bag was super bulky and unpleasant to carry. I was starting to think about going home after the camp. Managed my way to school anyway, and to be faced by pt early in the morning.. Couldnt complain. Did relay instead of the normal pt. It was obviously more slack, but the competition made us run to our fullest. No one wanted to let down their team, no one wanted to lose. I was the last runner and luckily i pipped cren.. He was obviously not warmed up. Thank god. :)

Proceeded to whacko or something and the fun was to the maximum in the beginning. Atmosphere soon died down and darrell ended it soon. The gym mat isnt hard enough! Maybe can use something harder next time. No one seems to hurt from the whacks. War game was splendid! I swear i didnt play this before! But it was fun. You know, those kinds of feelings you get when you're damn excited. Yeah, i felt that during the game, marvellous! Haha, it was so fantastic while playing, especially since the sec1s are playing. Warren is so fun to bully! God, and jeremiah is one great guy too! Easy to cheat too! :) Or maybe im just too deceiving.

Testimonial match was super disappointing, since not even one line came. Lander+Isaac+Ian+Han Wei. It was obviously not enough.. Where is the catholic high floorball team, dont tell me they can be all overseas.................. Min hao... Dion... Yi Shen.... No achievements ah? Screw you you assssss face!!! Anyway darrell cren joined the sec 4s line so that the match could proceed. My forward prowess are gone! At least this was what i thought, cause sheng yen and yu ren didnt disappoint to deliver! I think they did excpetionally fantastic. I think our line did a great job except for the last line change. Haiz really no idea what happened but yeah, you can be punished. Played basketball till my legs gave way at primary school court. Still cant dunk!! CAN I FREAKING GROW TALL?????????... Headed over to eugene's house for camping, tried some idiotic trick on eugene which i have no idea what its called. But it made eugene sad! I guess my acting skills are just getting better. Maybe i could try acting in a match? Act injured like.. Haha, make him get 2 mins. Mahjong with jed lander and joshua.. Really grew so tired of it.. And jed was angry cause of that tile he didnt get.. Yeah winning can be so scary at times.

Im surprised i managed to wake up from my alarm! Got down to wash up before everyone gets up and headed over to bishan north with derek to grab my breakfast. Loved both the breads. Fantastically tasty!! Totally made my mood for that day. Did gym before heading to classroom for classroom games. Well i wasnt surprised i lost to cren hahaha, seriously i wasnt sad or disappointed. But i was super sad when hebe lost to jessica!! How is that freaking possible??? I mean ya yuri deserves to lose haha joshua i mean it :) But Hebe is amazingly awesome! Well well, haha, if only we had lander. He means quantity! I think lander is an amazing guy! Well gratz to eugene for winning the most handsome guy award! Think you totally deserved it.

Friendly against serangoon garden sec and hillgrove. No joke, no walkovers anymore. Hillgrove coach, no idea what he was trying to do. Test them? Give us chance. Absolutely no idea. But couldnt step up in first period. Won 7-3 though.

7-4 againsr SGS was much better. Playup was much smoother, scored too. Awesome match in the end.

The rubbish floorball was thrilling in the beginning but in the end ran out of tricks, and after those guys went to plan the amazing race the atmosphere died down. Luckily we had a volleyball to play soccer. I played till i drop, like legs turned jelly. It was crazy, and i realised soccer is not my game! Haha, it has never been anyway. And eugene gan really cannot :) It was an absolute miracle that he scored one LOL. Through my glorius assist duh.

Amazing race was amazing, yeah more amzing than amazing. Credits to darrell and joshua plus people who assisted. Cause we had more fun than anything!! Jeremiah plus Eugene gan plus Hao Yuan plus me equals smart to the max :) Im still amazed with myself for decoding mona lisa :) Anyway i felt the excited feeling again. ~~~ Really worked as a team so the feeling was amazing! Came in first!! Second in the end. haha thanks to eugene gan!! Hahaha just keeding, he told jiali the wrong place! LOL.

Overnight in school was freezing to the max. Plus next morning eyes felt heavy. Super sleepy during the cip! But still love the kids anyway!!

And wow that concludes the hectic week!! Credits to joshua and darrell for planning the camp! I think it was really awesome and it brought us closer together! Really loved every moment of it and im looking forward to another one soon!! hahaha (:

Oh, and what a great fresh start to the week today. Lose to MJC 8-6. Me conceding 4 goals in the last period is.. Fuck hell, cant block shots cant shoot cant shit. But i think my volley was amazing. LOL i was shocked by myself.

I wish i was better in everything.

Somebody wants you, somebody needs you, somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody loves you, somebody miss you.

Somebody's still waiting for the day when you will realise, that somebody's me..

Community Involvement Programme

2010-11-29T20:15:00.002+08:00

Flag Days, ask for donations, reach $20. Stop. Slack. Fool around while asking for donations.

Newspaper collection, blah blah blah cip..................................

This is way too different!! I hope it wont be fun only for the first day, but the first day was totally awesome. I was like totally dumbfounded when eugene told me its gonna be p5 p6! And i need self-defense! But im sure they wont come near me right gene? Lol yeap.

Lol yeap, the children were so amazing. And they were girls!! im not a paedophile lah come on.. Although it took quite a while for them to open up, but yeah its really nice chatting with them while they were doing their work. Its really so satisfying to see them doing their work so seriously. It motivates me to start doing my holiday homework as well. Plus theres cip hours(which was supposed to be the main point but not anymore now!!). Thats like 3 birds with 1 stone. Awesomeeeee. Some just opened up so naturally! And the way they call me kor kor, omg the feeling is impalpable if you didnt go~~ Thanks eugene plus eugene's mum!!

Plus walking in the rain with the jacket was awesome too, though soaked wet. But the pizza made it so awesome. Thanks eugene's mum once again!

I practically wasted my afternoon at eugene's house after he told me to play halo. My god, we shouldnt even have started. Cause it took such a short while to get bored. 1 kill VS 30+ kills? Thats retarded.

No idea if i should look forward to the next session but definitely looking forward to floorball camp. My passion is burning once again. Dont be extinguished from now till bdiv finals are over!! I need you baby!!

This is a post dedicated to CHS floorball coach Mr Han!!

2010-11-23T23:26:00.003+08:00

Yes this a picture of my conversation with mr han! See how much he loves us? Yes, we love him too dont we? He's willing to sacrifice apac just to train up our team? Seriously, where can you find these type of coaches nowadays? I mean, he's not really fantastic in skill XD but i think you're the best!!

Yeap how should i start? I still remembered the day i went to find you to join floorball. Haha you gave me the look, the weird but friendly look. And im so glad you took me in really. You told me to come for training that day but i told you i had something on. And you said its okay you can come on saturday. That was really damn nice of you. I bet i gave you a bad first impression didnt i? But i think you're just amazing.

First day of my training was a saturday, and its really surprising for me with the amount of patience you had in you with teaching me the basics. Tossing the ball up, cushion, left rights, simple basic shots, draw the line of shot and pass. And i think the most amazing thing you did was to ask me to come for morning training!! I really thought it was fantastic. Coming to school early and sitting down there and watching us train. Could still remember hitting the wall and cushioning the ball. Its good ya know, i think you're the most outstanding coach ever!!!

And just wanna go back to the picture again. Mr han's actually in a dilemma whether to go for apac or not. Its such a great opportunity for him you see, meeting new coaches and all, as he told me. Seriously think of it, as a coach, wont you want to go overseas instead of staying in singapore.. Thats how amazing mr han is, and i dare say some people dont really recognise his efforts. But he's doing everything for us so secretly. Not asking for anything in repay. Sacrificing his holiday just to train us well for Bdiv. He closes down the cca, he gets the same pay, see the passion? Oh yeah, and he said he loves us so much!!! Was quite touched although laughing for a moment, then he told me he was kidding. Haha, but i know he isn't. Ryan,Cren, would you give up apac if Mr Han wants to give us some really crucial last minute intensive training for Bdiv? (this is not asked by him, but by me). Ya idk, but mr han's working so hard for us just for this Bdiv.

I dont know but, seriously we should start working even harder now. I mean, pt is seriously quite slack mr han. Like i think 2.4 doesnt really help? Cause in game need change direction a lot. So maybe you would want to do it like singapore schools way? We need to suffer.

About the dance ya!! Got so much i want to say, and i hope you really enjoyed it, cause darrell put in a hell lot of effort in it! And i hope you enjoyed especially the pink panther dance, cause i risked my face for it. (: Did you laugh during the dance? Haha you better did. And thanks for the half treat to pizza hut that day. (:

I think you're amazing because you still continued to work hard for us even though we gave you shitty results in the nationals.
I think you're amazing because you're willing to sacrifice something so important for us.
I think you're amazing because you love us. (:
I think you're amazing because you spend so much time just on us.
I think you're amazing because you are the coach of CHS Floorball.
I think you're amazing because you simply are just too amazing.

We will definitely work very very very hard for you! Top 4 is really not impossible. Thank you Mr han for your guidance all these while and i really appreciate your efforts to push us along. And recommending us to combined schools, even talking us back into combined schools. It's all seen and recorded by me.

Thanks Mr han, I love you!!! (not in a gay manner!) as a teacher and as a coach.

You're extraordinary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-21T15:00:00.002+08:00

Well, how shocked can you be when i said yes?

Hahaha, what would i be doing had i not join floorball? Staying at home more often that now(which is like omg super lot?), or would i be less fit that i am now?

Its amazing what friends can do, and its even more amazing how friends can turn into brothers. Its amazing how i turned from having 1 brother, to so many brothers now. The relationship is really amazing. Maybe, just maybe, this spirit can drive us to top 4. Its really gonna be difficult. After darrell spoke bout it that day. We can only lose to two teams? Lol, maybe not even two now. Gotta win all? What if that is just not our day.. Hmmm, make it not their day too!!

I think joshua's really an amazing player, his super never say die attitude has driven him to score and assist a hell lot of goals. Sprinting to his fullest, bodying like a bulldog, whacking the ball and sprinting down the boards, thats his trademark so dont laugh!! (im laughing right now HAHAHA). Haha just keeding lah, seriously, its amazing how you can escape the corner and perform a successful W. So stop thinking you're useless, if you're still thinking this way, cause you're awesome!!! Not in shooting maybe, hi 5! :)

Anyway, went eugene's house for mahjong on friday. Finally im going out, haha seriously i cant believe this is like the _ time im going out. Single digit ya. And my holiday actually started quite early. Mum doesnt really agree on me going out, and ya im already controlling. Plus she keeps reminding me that i still have homework to do. Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Fuck, school work sucks....... Never had tuition before, no money plus no purpose for me at least. I think ive really been more relaxed than a lot of people.

And back to the mahjong game, i didnt win all the way till the very last game we played. My god and really cant believe my luck. Haha at least im not last.. Someone still said, "siao i thought you damn zai one leh!" Hahaha, no offence!! Dont be angry SHUA GE!!!!

But ya know, at that game where eugene won with the 北, almost 地胡, i really suddenly felt the blessing from my grandfather. I was actually missing him while playing that day, cause i remembered how he always laughed when he won, and in the end still giving my brother and i money despite losing. Still remember how he will throw tantrum when he lost, and still remember how i told him to get well soon and go home and play mahjong with me. Shutz, im still living in the past. And finally, my luck changed. I was feeling the power from that game on.. Haha, no idea what it means too, but really felt my grandpa's soul with me.

Went play basketball with my bro some 4 hours ago. Played for around 10 minutes and it started to rain.. Darn it, but running back in the rain was so enjoyable. Was this the first time bro? Loved the feeling, it was freezing cold, and my bro's having a paper tomorrow! Hahaha, god bless him!! We were wet and we got home, but we were smiling.

I love the rain.

One Piece Jigsaw complete!!!

2010-11-15T10:25:00.002+08:00

Ha..one of my best days..

2010-11-15T09:49:00.002+08:00

Maybe money really can buy you happiness, in some way or another. Cause the karaoke session was one of the best few moments of my life. Really sang my heart out, screamed my heart out when the key gets too high for me. Just shrieking in sheer joy. It was so fascinating, I think i totally lost my mind for that one hour or so. I was feeling so high, and that feeling of excitement is really indescribable. It's one of those feelings where when you look back at that day you wouldnt recognize yourself.

Yeah, I'm a non-believer. I dont know what that term is, but i believe that it is impossible to prove that god exists in this world. But went for Eugene's confirmation any case. Could tell it was really an emotional evening for him, ha and i felt so glad for him somehow. Absolutely no idea what im glad about anyway, but just felt for him. Congratulations and how's the flower?

Was great walking in the rain with the hood on. It felt so comfortable.

Went macs even though i dont want to. Can i choose? Came back to the seat with a doublecheese burger. And did you see your scornful eyes? I really felt like walking over and punching your fucking face. I mean, whats wrong with coming back only with a burger. I know how much fucking money you have at home, but yeah, i DONT. I braced through the fucking look on your face and walked back to my seat. Thanks for offering your nuggets cren. (:

Hmmm, would like to take this opportunity to clarify things about cren, cause i think almost everyone in the team would have this same feeling..?

Cause cren, i dont understand you, at all..? One moment you can be so nice, and the next you can show your attitude. One moment you can be chatting, and the next you can be giving dulan face. Haha dont know at least this is what i experienced almost every time. And you can be really so nice, and can be really so bad. And it's so scary when you dont talk.. Haha, so be nice all the time lah ! :) And just finished hot shot.. Really loved 残, again. And 球鬼(how write?)..

Played pool while watching man u villa.. And i watch soccer lah ryan... How cheatable are you? Hahaha. Eugene's really good!!

Sang 真的我没事, something i really want to do.. Really enjoyed it so much that i think i could sing it again and again. But i cant keep hogging on to the mike can i? Haha, besides i only have an hour before i needa catch 156 home! And realised guys should never sing women's songs! Lol especially SHE!! Unless you are like my bro XD Their voices are soooo high!! No wonder they are my idols! 赞！

Screamed and shouted at songs like these, till my throat was rather sore. Guess i made your 50 dollars worth gene? Hahaha, and did an all so wonderful welcome for isaac of just so you know. I was literally hollering LOL. The key was so freaking high omg wtf. Thank you Eugene and your parents for treating karaoke!!

What would i be doing that day if i'd stayed on in table tennis?

So much so, I've finished a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, with the super help of my brother and mother. 谢了！Actually 5% of the credits go to me LOL. I only fixed sanji's face XD

But apparently i didnt feel a sense of achievement. LOL. Really 5%. Hahaha, but really loved the picture! And its only $5.50!!

And im gonna write about my love story in chinese preferably after being all inspired by joshua's book!! Though still haven read finish. Hahaha.

When can i get a day like this again?

Nothing's running..again

2010-11-08T23:53:00.001+08:00

Just got thrashed by a malaysia club, which argonnauts beat 10-8..

And come to think of it, remember how the merahans line in singapore schools owned argonnauts? Not too optimistic now are we?

Can i look forward to something really good? No apparently not. Olevel chinese in 1 more day. No idea how to prepare already..

Kay, nothing's going smoothly for me now.

Hope everything can change..soon..

GOD BLESS MY BRO FOR HIS A LEVELS!!!

Good luck!!!

2010-11-08T23:46:00.001+08:00

May everything go smoothly for your a levels bro!!!

Jia you jasper! XD

2010-11-03T16:29:00.003+08:00

为了准备即将来临的华文o水准考试，我决定再此借机训练一下华文。

哦，华文真的好难学哦，这几天作华文作业，做到简直快疯了。看华文字都看到快疯了！怎么办? 在多一个星期就考试了，来不及了！

真的非常希望能考取好成绩。华文一向来都不好，希望这几天的华文特训真的是值得的。

看华文就快看得疯掉的我，却看不腻“带着眼泪去流浪”那本书。读完了三个结局，还是较喜欢第二个的结局。我不是变态！可是第二个故事的结局比较悲惨。咳，爱情真是如此的矛盾啊？明明一方寂寞只想让她陪，另一方难过也只想让他安慰。可一方表白的时候，另一方却逃避。真的好奇怪啊？也许面对了，结局也是会悲惨的也说不定。但最后更难过的是，那男的是多么的爱她啊！真的好喜欢这本书，谢谢李大哥！！

还有多十个故事未读，但已从李大哥那儿听说十三个故事的结局都是悲伤的，这令我更想读! 哈，也许心理不平衡吧。

自想和大家分享第二个故事的结局-------
那是一篇点名回答问题的游戏，最后一个问题是，你这辈子说过的最大的谎言是什么?你的回答是，有个女孩子问我又没有喜欢过她我说对不起。而真实的答案实四个字，我很爱她。

而男的已成家立业了！！！

读完整本书才写出特别感人的一些词句。

外公，我好想好想好想好想好想好想好想你。真的好想。昨晚我想念了你。你有想念我吗？

Why?

2010-10-30T21:51:00.002+08:00

Cant seem to improve, deproving and deproving. Getting slower and slower. Ball control getting badder and badder. Passing getting slower and slower. High ball getting lousier and lousier. Game sense getting poorer and poorer. Can anyone tell me why?

Could already sense it in the simple dribble drill. Seriously, turn and shoot. What the fuck? Why cant i do it. Screw it. And defending keep committing too early or commit totally. No idea what im thinking today. Why?!

How am i gonna make an impact this way? Arggh, so frustrating. Pretty sure this is not the darkest stage in training, cause actually my dribbling hasnt been good all the while. But others are getting better and better. Why am i not?

And today pigeon came and say whats the use of sending us to combined schools. I got a whole list of vulgarities rushing through my head now, but not typing it out due to respect (of blogger). Not of you duh? Lol what the fuck?

I mean, say that if you are of jb standard will ya? As i said, ugly people have poor taste for shoes. My shoe is nice!

Yeah, whats the plan for me? Fuck it.

The child's eye

2010-10-29T19:46:00.002+08:00

Oh my god lol, pretty lame much. I fell asleep while watching it!! Quite amazing, haiz, was forcing my eyes open all the while. Suddenly opening to full when the volume suddenly blasts. Yeah, the scaring part was pretty good, even in 2d. But the storyline was pretty normal, and the storyline unfolded quite slowly. 1 star? haha, i dont know.

But im amazed prior to that, how cren can just walk away.

I mean, im pretty sure hes not angry anymore bout the spray bottle thing right? 1 minute he can be laughing, and the next he can give you the dulan face.

And we were just deciding what to eat then i started to raise my voice a bit then he walk off?

Wow, i dont know. No harm anyway.

4 more hours to ryan's birthday!!

yeah right

2010-10-27T20:12:00.002+08:00

id die for you girl, please dont leave me, id do anything to make you stay. YEAH RIGHT.

Bah, shouldnt look forward to training from now on, looked forward to training on monday, then played like shit on tuesday. Guess i should dread training, then can play well.

Cant figure out what went wrong on tuesday. Nothing seem to connect. I didnt have the urge to run, didnt have space to run. Saw no purpose to run. Cren dulan. Darrell abit irritated. Jie Ying normal smiles. Billy emotionless.

I lacklustre.

Sian, hope that was one of my baddest days ever. Nothing seemed to work. Even my passes, vision. Nothing. Literally, nil. Shooting was normal. As lousy as usual.

Im really looking forward to nothing now. Lost my purpose in life. Cant smile, cant laugh, cant cry, cant wail.

It sucks, feeling so emotionless everyday, its like being a zombie. No feelings.

I guess its time for me to get off the mindset of saving money. Been trying really hard to, but seems like i should cherish my teenage life aint it?

Been listening to my mum and going home to have dinner.. Really thats the least i could do to repay her.. But.. i dont know.. Im sick of everything.

Get well soon selina..

XD

2010-10-25T20:15:00.003+08:00

Found this super cute photo of hebe! Why wont anyone agree that shes better than snsd? (:

I mean, yes look at her!! Flawless!

Obsessions aside. Script check was over last friday. Heres the list.

-English 60 B4 ):

-Chinese 70 A2 (: ):

-a math 89 A1 XD

-e math 86 A1 XD

-Biology 75 A1 XD

-Chem 84.5 A1 XD

-Physics 72 A2 ): (:

-History 82 A1 (screw reliability question!!)

-SS + Geog 91 A1 XD

Pretty alright. Was super lucky for history essay! Still not improvements for english. Screw it!

Starting to love reading novels. But the da vinci code ending was? Errr, weird? I dont know. Didnt really fully understand the ending!

Chinese olevels in just a few weeks. And yet im still in the honeymoon feeling. Gotta get over this soon and start revising again! No more games from tomorrow onwards on weekdays! No more going out. XD

I know its all gonna be worthwhile.

I will win Craigton and Sitong in chinese!! L-O-L.

Went play basketball just now alone and was joined by three people. Two guys 1 girl.

The scream of the girl sounded so like you. The laughter and all. I suddenly hated a boys school. XD

But why must guys always bully girls? Haha no idea too. Its like we're bullying them to seek their attention and make them laugh, then in the process make them feel we are entertaining.

It sounds wrong, but i do it too. Who cares XD

Im a free thinker, but god please bless sec 4s taking olevels!!

Recently skimmed through MLIA. Found this super interesting post---

I make sure to leave 1 square of toilet roll so that my sister will be the one to change it.

Oh my god, how true can that be? (:

I think im happier now. Really looking forward to training tomorrow. Long time since i had this burning passion.

Go catholic high. Floorball national champions!!!!!!!

For fuzhen XD

OH NO

2010-10-20T20:17:00.002+08:00

Bad bad bad.

Failed english compre!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over and over over and over, i die in you.

Sucksssssss.

9/25. Maybe adding 1 more mark?

Summary 14.5/25. Maybe adding 2 more marks?

Chinese overall 70. Still alright i guess? But main paper only scored 44/70. Urgh.......

Been speaking mandarin since young, WHY? WHY? WHY?

AND HOW TO STUDY FOR OLEVEL CHINESE? CHINA SCHOLARS PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chinese is such a fun subject. (: Haha. retarded.

72 for physics. Deproved from term 3 but improve from term 2 (: ):

But teacher just told straight in my face i deproved XD

Lol screw the section C.. 15/30.. ARGHHHHHHHH!

Feel like screaming into an ocean with someone.. Just the two of us alone.

STANDING AT THE ROOFTOP EVERYBODY SCREAM YOUR HEART OUTTTTTTT.

7/7 for my grandpa today. He's really gone now. Take care ah gong. Forever and always in my heart.

Where is the love?

2010-10-18T22:23:00.001+08:00

Now, whats happening to everyone? Guess everyone has a dark side hidden..

Im not trying to wash my dirty linen in public, but just wanna comment on this..

Went dinner with my brother mother and my aunt and her family. My uncle drove a pickup to toa payoh and decided to bring us to dinner since both of us live in sengkang. We've done this for quite a while already, and obviously i was happy when he called. (:

Then the next day went to visit my grandpa at bedok. Hope he received the food we bought.. ):

Now it was on the way there where this happened. My dad started to raise his voice at my mum, telling her and scolding her that we should not follow my uncle for dinner. He said this kind of "thing" is damn hard to return or something, then started wild driving. Brake stop, speed, step on accelerator damn hard. Swerve violently. Shitz. Drive fast. Swerve violently. Brake abruptly. Lashing out vulgarities.

what the fuck? its seriously crazy, im still young, what the fuck. Could have gotten me killed in a car accident. Was it worthwhile? Venting your anger at the car? what the fuck? fuck fuck fuck. Seriously.

No idea, what a dark side it was. I felt like opening the door and jumping off. Maybe i would hve done that if i brought my ezlink card with me. Was seriously damn pissed off.

I mean, i know its not good for my uncle to treat us to dinner everytime. But everytime, i mean, its like once per 2 weeks or something. And this was the last time hes gonna do that, cause pickup cant carry passengers anymore. So yeah, we didnt know what he was gonna call. WE just wanted to eat dinner too.

He screamed that he was eating some noodles while we were enjoying our time with my uncle eating crab. He said that made him feel inferior. Sorry im leaking too much, but just wanna share my disgust. He said my mum was looking down on him. I mean seriously, how long has my mum been with him? Would she like leave him now? NO.

Idk, but i've been trying to save up a lot too. My mum too. It was almost everyday just rice for her, normal mixed vege rice. Never going to shopping to shop for new clothes. Not dolling herself up. Not doing what she want to do, just staying at home and looking after the home, cleaning up the house. I have no idea, but it was once in a while when my mum enjoy herself with the crab.

I know its difficult to repay my uncle back, but seriously, we didnt know he was gonna eat that did we? seriously so fucking pissed off... that time.

But then again, hes my dad isnt he? But all these years i've seen the bright side of him, the nice side of him, the entertaining side of him. But one journey changed everything.

Wow enough on that, cause its fucking irritating to even recall it. I think grandpa saw everything didnt he?

Cant bring myself to feel happy

2010-10-17T16:02:00.002+08:00

Really cant find any reason to be happy, or rather find anything i can be happy about. Nothing seems to be working. Been trying to force smiles, been smiling sometimes without even feeling happy. Smiling truthfully sometimes too thanks to eugene i guess. Theres so many things for me to be glad about, but just cant find that kind of feeling. lol is this eugene's "teenage agnst"?

See, there were a lot of reasons for me to be happy. Lol happy again, mdm foo's gonna scold..

Went kbox on wednesday. Tried to sing my heart out, shout my heart out, but guess that kbox just sucks.. Dont even have mockingbird. Okay maybe not, thats the only song i cant find. Haha but at least learnt that you cant go kbox with a bunch of people. There'll not be enough time for you to sing.. Plus needa find people like jie ying to go, people with same interest, like S.H.E songs (: Yes jie ying you rock!!!!!!!!!! Lol korean songs, how to sing?! Given all those weird letterings.. Maybe se min can. Ya he can not maybe. Anyway it was rather fun though not damn fun at kbox, doing idiotic things inside, with darrell singing tuo diao. Would've been better if gene strips.. And sang your call with josh.. Most successful song sung i think. It was the easiest duh..

Oh yeah, i love justin bieber after hearing eugene sing baby (:

Wild wild wet was.. okay fun but not worth the money. The thing most worth it was the crew.. Lol how pretty can she get?? Super cute and sweet looking. Guess what the best thing is? She smiled and revealed her........ DIMPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on the cheek duh lol..

Im still not over dimples.. Haha the dimples looked so great on her (: Still managed to talk to her for 3 seconds. All she said was thank you, haha but thats enough to melt my heart.

The rides there were.. okay quite boring, not much. Best thing was the vertical fall. No idea whats the name, but sat with eugene. Best thing there, but id rate it 6/10. Infer how bad the other rides are?

Yeah, you are right. Very.

Oh but the fish and co. express was (Y). SUPERRRRRRRRRRR. Thanks Cren!!!!

Shouldnt this day be damn fun and happy? Yeah i was happy at some point of time. But it was rather short-lived. Really cant bring myself to feel happy. No idea why too, im looking forward to absolutely nothing now. Its post exam life now, but i feel no different from before exams. Maybe im too slack before exams XD. Okay keep your comments to yourself if you're thinking in your head, "Yeah right Jarryl, you fucking mugger."

Seriously dont say it out, cause a lot of people have told me that. I have no idea why too, just because my results are a lil better, they will infer that i study a lot.

Actually this is what i think. Mugger is a term used to describe someone damn smart, instead of someone who studies a lot. You're just calling him a mugger because you dont want him to study so much so that you can overtake him in academics.

But really studying can somtimes be quite fun.. Like after solving a log question ON YOUR OWN. RIGHT JOSH? (: haha and history facts sometimes are so interesting to find out.

Like the who lynette commission or someone, went to china by ship, and decided to condemn japan's actions. Lol just found it funny for a moment. Really laughed for a moment. But when its time to memorise the essays its obviously not fun anymore.

Might be forced to drop bio.. Have not been studying hard. enough.

Went watch detective dee on friday. Was planning to watch the childs eye.. RAINIE!!! but sold out. Was fearing that, and it really ran out.. Haiz, in the end decided on detective dee. But didnt regret at all, cause it was a fantastic show too (: Andy lau's so handsome, like me (: Lol, i know you're nodding your head/puking. 破！

Again supposed to feel happy, especially out with such entertaining people. But.... idk..........

Not looking forward to school tomorrow.. with the script checks and all. Honeymoon is over. Its back to face life, face the shitz of life.

I miss you grandpa ):

Dinner later at some japan restaurant. Will meet my cousin. Hope ill be happy by then.

P.S. OMG OMG OMG HEBE IS SO PRETTY. CANT HELP IT!!!!!!! HEBE!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

Fresh Start

2010-10-11T16:20:00.002+08:00

WOW.

Really has been quite a while. So many things have taken place. It was end of year 2010 before i even knew it. It still feels so weird around, like ive just met my sec 3 mates. But 3-1 seems to be so competitive, so eager to win that we dont share. Bah, im only referring to some (idiots), who are unwilling to share whatever they know, so that they can be one step ahead of others.

Wonder how i got through this two months, its been really quite a challenge. Nothing seemed to go well in this two months, maybe only my birthday. Maybe, just only maybe, this is my best birthday ever. Oh well maybe not, cause i cant remember 15 years can i?

Didnt even feel that i grew up, probably due to my height? Geez, cant seem to grow tall.. But does it matter anymore really? Just got another example where i only learnt how to cherish after losing it. Its so fake now with all the prayers and all, but its the last things we can do to see him off. So funny how a person can leave so suddenly, for a moment you saw him smiling at you, the next moment he may be gone.

It feels so cold. It felt so different. I helped him up, i touched him. But when i picked up those pieces of glasses, the feeling wasnt the same. A man to a few pieces of glass and ash. I really miss him, really do.

Think i should be over it pretty soon, but his smile still flashes across my mind now and then. Siao gai.. Lu tio ah po ah.. He could still reply me then. Its all over, in an instant. Just one call. I saw him more the last time in the hospital. And now he doesnt exist anymore.

My wallet would have 10 more dollars every saturday, its all history now. The room's empty, the house is quiet, everyone's not speaking, no one's getting over it just as yet. Everytime he was mentioned there would be a solemn silence.

Still havent saw his spirit yet. Maybe he didnt come, or maybe hes just beside me. Dont know if i want to see him too, but just want to. And have no idea what my reaction would be. Scared? Happy?

Its a path everyone has to walk, and i had to accept this fact. So everyone's getting over it, life has resumed, studying is still my life, just that theres a hole in my heart.

We were talking about it yesterday, if only we had done the 90 years old birthday for him. But it was too expensive, money again. Whats with money. Whats wrong with the world? Nah i dont know anything about econs just as yet, but was feeling a sense of regret.

Could still remember the time i told him in the hospital to recover quickly and go home and play mahjong together. He smiled. I laughed. We smiled. We laughed. It was all so sweet, almost like a fairytale. I want that to happen again. But can it? 10 days, and i never went once. Bah, its the same story over and over.

But im sure hes well off in the heavens, enjoying his life up there, no pain, no worries. Hope he has received the money, everything that we've done. The money, the car, the house, the refrigerator, the stove, the dvd player? But does he even know how to operate it? I was worrying about that during that period of time. Still remember how he used to ask me to turn on the tv for him to watch, till he gets weaker and weaker each day. Till now hes untouchable.

Ah gong, lu ho bo? Nong nang jing tio lu, lu bong tim, nong nang lua liao, lu ho ho gia. Nong ai toh mang, toh mang dao lu.

我爱你，永远地爱着你。I love you, forever and always, fearlessly..

Well exams are just over, really wanna feel happy but dont think i deserve to. Haven been working hard at all for this exam, staying up every night before just to complete studying.

Haha nothing i can do now to change anything, so might as well enjoy the life now before the shit year next year.

Aims: Everything A1. LOL. Laught my ass off. Aim high get high..

Just wanna thank all those who made my birthday such a great one.

From Wiz 31
to birthday cards,
to hard cash,
to the birthday cake,
to the wonderful kfc and pastamania dinner,
to the jelly specially made,
to the SHERO album,
to the foolscap birthday card,
to the fearless album
to the SHE keychain
to the tortoise.

Just so wonderful.

Im just wondering if you know it was my birthday. Dont think i've ever celebrated with him..

Guess im over you, but not over you now

2010-09-11T00:45:00.002+08:00

Still cant really get over it can i? Gotta get over it cause nothing changes by being sad. Just did chinese compre and read the passage about not being sad over what you've lost, but cherish what you have with you now. Found that it really related to me and all my relatives. Maybe this is human nature, we have to lose something before we learn to cherish.

I guess you arent really important to me anymore, like finally, after how many years. Maybe this is called teenage love? Never lasting, will die away soon. True enough, i thought foolishly that my feelings would never change, but silly me, how many people have thought too.

You thought, i think, who confirm? I can confirm.

But i can still remember how we were like around this time last year.. Still a bit of strangers, the feeling's so great. And.. Urgh, the feeling's just so special. But thank you for making my 2009 december such a memorable one. Maybe you have forgotten because 2010 was yet another complexed year for you, but 2010 is yet another simple and peaceful year for me, except for 2/9/2010. Ill never forget this day.

Guess im also one of those who needs to lose something before i can cherish. It was 10 days, and yet i didnt even bother to visit him. It was only novena station, and i found it too troublesome for me. And yet i go to school everyday to bishan. Its only 3 stops from bishan. Come on, how big is singapore?

Its all too late to regret now maybe, but oh wells. Im pretty sure he has forgiven me already, because im very sure he has a big heart (: Think hes doing fine up there, having to walk freely without the mercedes, so carefree, no pain. Maybe that is what we call life.

Its weird isnt it? Its only life, after life.

Think i shouldnt really regret anymore now, cause its all too late. I thought he would be fine, who would have thought he wasnt? If only i hadnt played basketball that day.. If only i hadnt been so lazy and selfish..

If only..If only..

Geesh, humans are so retarded, always hoping for a time machine to be invented.

Im definitely not the onle one who has to get over this, cause there are a lot of people who have recieved a greater blow than i did. Too many of them..

I remember how i used to kiss him goodbye before i left toa payoh, then the kisses slowly become cheek to cheek, and slowly it became cold, and slowly the tradition was abandoned. Then now, i cant even get the chance to touch him.

He would be so happy to see me when i visited him in the hospital the previous time. Why didnt i visit him this time.

Okay, stop regretting.

Trying to get over it now, im still laughing at usual, still cracking jokes as usual, still leading my normal life.. But what are you doing up there? Did you receive the television? The house? The dvd player? Can you understand the menu to use the controller?

Okay what am i doing..

Friendly against Ex NJC people tmr? Wearing red when im not supposed to. Pretty sure he'll forgive me right? (:

Take care ya?

Finally, i think after 5 years, why did it take so long.. i wonder. Im not trying to sound like seh hian please hahahaha. No offence too.

Maybe i was as stupid as lin da lang's thinking:

我喜欢你，你明明不是我心中喜欢的那位女生，但我就是喜欢你。

但终于结束了，真的好辛苦哦。

cause nothing else matters to me now anymore, except my family and relatives.

Revival

2010-09-08T23:47:00.003+08:00

Believe he should be somewhere safe and sound now, where everything is just so amazing that everyone would want to get up there as soon as possible.

No pain, no worries, no stress, no studies. Everything you do is to enjoy in your paradise. You can eat anything you like, whatever you like, and dont have to care about your health.

I look at the sky now everyday. And i am still wondering which part of the sky you are at. Are you there? Or there? You must be happy alright?

Nong wu ji, lu bong tim. (how to say?) (think you will understand)

Woo, almost decided to quit blogging, but seems like im getting over it day and day. Im pretty sure hes happier there than here.

Credits to my cousins for making tuesday such a wonderful day. Wiz 31 plus super filling fish & co. plus super lip smacking chocolate cake. Plus standing on the chair and all. Its really that special for me. Been super super super long since i went out for these types of occasion. Thanks for this day. Maybe its gonna be next year or something before i can be this happy again. Ill just wait for that day again.

Terima Kasih!

Thank you for the memories and all that you've given me

2010-09-06T18:57:00.004+08:00

Thank you for all the memories and all that you've given me

Ah gong, nong tiong ting lu mo wu zhe gai. Bo gai lik ah gong, bo gai lik lu giao nong ji, zhao gu wo.
Sorry, nong bo lai mo lu, nong bo ho ah gong, sorry. Bo jong tio nong, lu ho ho gia. Ho ho jia, ho ho hui. Gang lu eh peng you pak meh siak. ho ho kia hor ah gong.

wo ai ni.

Team dance-bonamana

2010-09-01T19:14:00.005+08:00

4 minute song.. Huh its over already? What the shit thats fast. It felt like only a few seconds.

Did a prayer before the dance, really appreciated it. It calmed everyone's souls down and made us feel like one. We knew we would do well. We were confident. We practised so hard just for this moment. There wasnt a chance we were gonna screw the entire thing up.

So, the first problem surfaced even before the dance commenced. We were given almost like less than half the stage when we were promised the entire stage. Seriously affected our performance. With all the wires and all. Drums and all. I think we werent even given half of the stage. But we continued anyway. Cause apparently they didnt want to let us be the last item to be performed. Whats wrong with them? Seriously rather selfish.. We could have at least done better if we were given the entire stage.

Comment from nigel txy: Disorganised

Didnt know cause i was mostly at the front, so didnt notice anything. But i know we did our best. So we left the stage with no regret, at all. It was seriously a fun experience. Was really reluctant to join the dance in the beginning, admitting now. But decided to give support and woo, didnt regret a bit.

I think we did quite alright, just below our expectations, so we felt a bit disappointed.
Will like to thank darrell for the effort he had put in prior to this dance. Thinking of the dance steps alone was time consuming for him enough, and yet he thanked us for giving support to him. I think he deserve the thanks more than we do. The hours he spent on thinking of the dance steps could easily add up to 2 days maybe? And yet some people said that he had to start from scratch therefore he couldnt catch the dance moves. I have no comments about all his other craps about the cliques and all, but this is seriously like too much.

One person had to do the thinking, and it definitely wasnt easy for him. The person who thinks of the moves had to teach others how to carry it out and all, and we still had to teach us the formation. He was always speaking during dance practice plus he had to do the same moves as us, plus perfect his solo. Thats seriously like super hard, and yet you said you were not given the chance to "unleash your true talent". Like seriously, you were given the chance. I dont know about why you couldnt turn up for dance training and all, and dont want to know anymore. Your studies? It was after term3 MR before we started practising seriously. By giving studies as an excuse, id deem it invalid.

Okay i was supposed to be on a happy topic, THANK YOU DARRELL!!! I HOPE WE DIDNT LET YOU DOWN!!!

And hoped you enjoyed it mr han. I hope joshua and i were gay enough. And thanks a lot for the half treat. We owe you one more now (:

Went home with J D E JY, played basketball. And derek was like whining to go home like after one match. And kept blaming me for forcing him to come.. I swear i was just asking. Anyway had fun but thought i could have died under that heat. Was seriously hot to the max, crazy. And thanks eugene for the drink. (:

Okay like seriously, everyone is spamming on sh tagboard right now. But on his tagboard he said"u guys come here and read and think i want self-pity, thats all. I can go on living like this, it wont affect my daily routine anyway."

Was seriously stunned by this comment.

Can anyone tell me who was the guy who go around tagging on people's blog last time that he blogged? It slipped my mind suddenly.

This dance was one solution that darrell had thought of to bring the team closer together. See the effort made by darrell? And you still say he had done nothing. And i think he has done a lot of things backstage, and doesnt need his efforts to be recognised. He wasnt asking for anything in return. Remember those trainings that he tried to teach everyone one by one? Thats another effort. He needed to organise the training. He needed to ask for permission to use the court. Tell me thats not effort man. The amount of things darrell had done has already way surpassed what a captain needs to do already. Dickson wasnt like this, was he?

I seriously have no idea what you are doing already. Maybe giving you freedom could be the bloopers of history. You might say everyone's criticising you now. But i think we've given enough advices already, so its time we really shaddup for now. Cause all he wants maybe is a girl who can understand him now.

Darrell is speechless when he read your post. Saw that tag? Or were you too busy replying?

He was your super close friend.

Oya, speaking about your freestyle. You said you were good didnt you? Erm, this is like saying that im handsome. You dig?

Argh guess i shouldnt say that much. Cause its gonna be pointless.

But seriously, i feel super proud of being in CHS FLOORBALL. I THINK WE ROCK.

Getting straight to the point

2010-08-28T19:04:00.002+08:00

Today, i was told to get straight to the point, and yes, definitely i should, and i will.

Training is not really as fun as it used to be anymore. But if top 4 is achiveable by doing this, seriously dont mind.

Only thing im looking forward to now is the dance. Gonna be hell yeah fun. Hope we dont screw up and waste darrells effort. Cause this is like the finals of bdiv which we will get into next year. Super important, everyone's movement and contributuon is that vital.

Really in love with bonamana now. Turns me on haha keeding.

But instead of bonding the team together, the dance might have just pulled the team further apart. Cause a lot of people arent in it. But it was open to everyone, so there isnt anyone to blame. We opened the door to them. They slammed it in our face. (just like how that girl slammed the door in darrell's face that day).

Just played basketball with my brother. Really really fun. Really loved it. Maybe its a few more weeks before we will do this again. Maybe by the time he will be in ns. Maybe by the time he'll be with his girlfriend. Maybe by the time he'll be married. Maybe by the time...

Get well soon cren.

A girlfriend

2010-08-22T16:45:00.004+08:00

Really really not in the mood for anything these few days, not even floorball maybe.

Results may be the cause, but im pretty sure they arent the only one. Have really really wanted to post, but the amount of homework that we get post exam is stupid, like seriously, given an english project after exams? Urgh what a pain.

Well that wasnt related to my title im pretty sorry, but theres a blog i visit that keeps repeating why there is a need to have a girlfriend.

He meant something like this, there isnt any friend out there that could understand his feelings and thus a girlfriend would be able to.

Wrong conclusion in my opinion. Its only my opinion so please dont lash out vulgarities at me if you feel otherwise.

Girlfriend. Its really cool to have a girlfriend in this era, look at the people with girlfriends, all cool people, handsome people. Thus if you have a girlfriend it will make you cool.

Most importantly, you can talk to your girlfriend whenever you are feeling down or something, because your friends cant understand what you are trying to say. You are a loner and no one understands you. Not even your parents. Oh come on, id rather confide in my girlfriend, rather than you. DADDY MUMMY.

Sorry, the previous paragraph has nothing to do with me at all because i love my daddy and mummy so much right? Yes. Omg i think im just suffering from some typing bug now. Cos i cant stop typing now. I just want to make this post super super super long. Im pretty sure some of you have this feeling before, where you seriously dont feel like stopping your fingers on the keyboard.

Okay off topic, back to my title, a girlfriend.

Theres a saying, with love comes hate.

Actually its not hate, its just the awkwardness after you have loved each other. I dont know why im saying all these, i seriously have no experience in this at all, like seriously, unlike some people out there.

Recently, i went to someones wall and saw somebody post on his wall. I love the way you call out to me when you see me, cos some people just dont.

Alright its okay if you dont understand, cause i do. Okay i seriously keep drifting off topic. I apologize for that.

Back to a girlfriend.

okay i just realised i have nothing good to say about having a girlfriend. whoops wait i just said it makes you look cool, but i have a list of disadvantages.

Affects your school work
Awkwardness after break up
Not even friends anymore
Keep thinking about her
Cant stop thinking about her
Think about her
Still think about her

So these are the disadvantages. Lol im seriously nuts already. Really have no idea what im talking about.

Anyway, isnt it weird tat everytime i sign in and see you online, you immediately become offline? There isnt even any chance to start a conversation. And every time we meet at the mrt, we just look away. You dont talk to me, i dont talk to you, we dont even look into each others eyes.

It was no surprise, because i gave you no future, sheer uncertainty. It was no wonder that you heart would change.

Tsk, but i still miss you till today.

Still cant forget those days, still living in the past, when so many people including you have moved on.

Some people just pretend they know everything, when they just fucking know nothing.

2010-08-14T23:39:00.002+08:00

Isnt it sad to see people acting in front of one another but behind their backs they are doing something else. Its really disgusting.

Isnt it sad when people purposely speak english in front of a china person, so that she wont understand what they are saying.

Anyway Term3 MR is finally over. Really hate the studying period. Can make me go crazy. So many late nights, so many sleepless nights, so much tension, so much kiasuness by bringing the notes to study in the morning.

I think we can only know how good studying is after we are in the working class.

Great last day of paper, spending whole afternoon with someone i really appreciate.
Great saturday spent playing basketball with someone i really enjoy being with, although always getting bullied.

But to be thrown with the amount of homework plus an english project, maybe school just sucks.

Disappointment

2010-08-07T22:50:00.005+08:00

Have you ever felt like super super disappointed? Like after you have worked very hard to find something only to find that theres no one to share the joy with you? Like you have searched the whole storeroom for something countless times just to find something and finally you found it, only to be told that it wasnt needed anymore.

Its really..urgh hard to describe. Just a feeling of sheer disappointment.

So guess i wasted my time there. Maybe should have gone for cip instead. Regretted badly.

Cause i just wasted my time over there, sleeping, while they watched transformers.

Barely do all 6 of us gather there, and i was like damn happy in the beginning.. The moment transformers was switched on, all hopes were gone.

Maybe few months later all 6 of us will be there again. But it will rain then.

I laugh at the way i post last time when i click on my archive.

Finally this week's over

2010-07-30T18:45:00.003+08:00

Should be one of the worst weeks i've ever had, simply sucks. Finally all these class tests are over.. But bio is really really bad for me.. Theory paper and spa paper.. Both screwed up. Urgh..

Seriously need motivation to study for mr now.. Gave blood pledge a miss, no idea why too. Have been wanting to watch it, and whats more there are people who want to watch it too. Some psycological fear, zzz.. Hate the feeling of regret..

Okay omg, i found the movie on youtube LOL. Not my turn to regret now probably.. ahaha(:

Just wanna comment on the training on thursday.

Will first like to thank darrell and joshua for organising, and all who turned up as well.. Samuel went home.. Billy i dont know.. Nigel medical appointment.. And only sec 2s who turned up are jiali and jie ying.. Wow.

"Optional training". So deceiving. Even i did not know it was gonna be a test of your commitment. But the training was super tiring. I dont know, stamina seems to be getting very bad nowadays.. And really liked the idea of playing the passes around and rotating.

Just wanna comment on ryan. He still has the mindset that we can just play like we did last year and achieve good results. Yes, i think he thinks that he has become very good after playing for singapore schools. But really, i think we are far from good.

Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear im gonna cry
Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things that never change
She was right here in my arms tonight
But here comes goodbye..

Need a break..

2010-07-23T19:47:00.002+08:00

Finally its friday.. Its my favourite day during school days.. Really really tired now. Plus is this gonna be a weekend anyway? Training tmr in morning, cip till 5 tmr. 1 saturday gone. Match on sunday till around 12. Half of sunday gone. And heres the plan for next week,

-Chinese letter test on monday
-Chem practical test on tuesday
-E math test on tuesday
-Bio practical test on thursday
-History sbq test on reliability on friday(okay seriously, this mother of all skills is pretty hard)
-A math test on ______

Okay this is quite enough, plus the amount of homework given, its totally driving me nuts. Also, for physics, we need to cover 2 chapters in 0 lessons. Wow.

Composition test today, almost couldnt finish. Wrote bout "thrist", why didnt i think of thirst for vengeance?! Argh, kept repeating thrist for blood in the end. Not gonna do very well i guess.

Just calmed things down a little bit following his serious injury. Never knew it was that serious, so insensitively continued to laugh at his injured knee. Never knew it was that serious, cause he said permanent injury in such a joking manner. Yes, i was the one who got him injured. Just because i stepped in front of him and made him fall. He said he was okay then, so didnt really bother after that. Seriously, i thought it was obvious enough that i didnt do this on purpose. It was purely an accident, a collision. What benefits do i gain from it? Nothing, really. I was just playing my game, you were just playing yours. And now everything seems to be my fault.

Realised it was quite serious and asked him during training. Got a snub from him, first time. During V drill didnt even want to receive my pass.

I know clearly that posting this post will probably stir up some trouble all over again, but just wanna say what i want to.

Didnt want to talk to me after training, luckily i went off early, so that you can complain to them about me. Made up my mind to just chiong home straight after training, not gonna stay back and wait for "teammates" anymore.

Will like to thank ______ for calling me to ask me to settle the dispute. Really understand the feeling you've got in that kind of position. One party put aside his pride and everything would be fine. Seriously, it isnt that hard. I had this kind of feeling too, when i was a bystander of a dispute. Thanks for the amount of effort you put into convincing me, really sorry for not agreeing right away, wasted your phone call money. And in the end still thanked me, omg no, i should be the one who should thank you.

So much for trying so hard to be on good terms with him by heading to the students' lounge during recess for a period of time.

Realised the people who really listens to me are J, C, E...

Yesterday the top 4 dream vanished momentarily when i reached home. I thought sports are pure rubbish for a moment. Guess i came back to my senses thereafter.

Think the top 4 dream is drifting further now.

On a side note, really wished the sec 1s this years were the sec2s.. Then we can reach for the championship with them. Seriously i think the only sec 2 "junior" i have is jie ying. The others are just.. As i see my friends' sec 2s juniors wave to them.. It sucks. Warren and all.. I wish i could have the chance to play together with them.. Cause today as i headed out of the school gate, saw 3 of the sec1s floorballers, and the guy with the red stick wove and said,"bye jarryl." Im saying it now, i was like super happy. Have never met a sec 2 doing this, cept jie ying. The sec2s dont talk to us, we dont talk to them. We can talk to warren, we can communicate better with the sec1s during morning training. I like them more. Speaking about team unity.

Parents. Just wanna talk about my parents after seeing so many voiced out their resentment over their parents. Perhaps i have better luck than most of you, perhaps my parents are "better", i dont know. But what i know is, i never seriously hated them and blamed them for the lack of freedom. But I have to agree that shouting at you through the phone just because you're having lunch with your friends is seriously too unreasonable.

So maybe you should examine the good sides of your parents instead of picking out their flaws more often than not. Think about how you came out into this world. Think about the pain of your mum during the 9 months. Think about the ecstasty of your dad when your mum is pregnant. Think about how you survived the first fever in your life. Think about who fed you when you were young. Think about who held your hand when you were young. Think about how you survived till today. For most of us, its seriously our parents. If its not, im sorry. But mine is.

A lot of my friends always say, "Mum kp.. mum kp.. Dad kp.." And i would be lying if i deny saying it even once. I really regretted saying that. So sorry mum, dad. Kao pei? Were they kao pei-ing? I dont know. Its seriously very irritating when they nag at you when you are using the com, playing games and all. But if one day no one nags at me anymore, i will really feel a sense of loss.

Rich parents make good parents? Im pretty sure many many many would disagree on this. And i disagree too. Cause my dad brings home less than a hundred every day from a hard day's work. But he makes it a point to send me to school every time i need, he makes it a point to bring us out on sunday. Good, im sure all parents are good, its just a matter of how good you see them as.

Just wanna say this, we should all love our parents at this age. They've brought us this far, and all they are asking for in return is to see them thorugh the rest of their journey. My dad calculated, and told me he would be glad if he manages to catch around 5 more world cups.. And at that point, i realised how short that is.

OMG...

2010-07-19T22:28:00.002+08:00

Everything is in a mess now, thanks to me. Sleeping at 3am last night didnt help at all. Wasted my time in the end as the bio test is crazily hard. Plus we didnt even go through the worksheet on chapter 7.. Complete rubbish.. Screwed for this test.. Chem was alright, hope no careless mistakes.. Listening compre tmr, gotta do well.

Anyway just an update on the score, we drew rp 5-5. Saddening, as the ugly side of the sport was revealed. Stick whacking the head till the stick break. Omgwth, that was mad. He literally collapsed. Its seriously crazy. Hope that guy face charges for assault and get what he deserves.

Just want to say i agree with eugene on the part where he said something like, "we are too young to understand love, so yeah thats the fun of it." Its like, seriously super true. If we understood love, we wouldnt be loving so carefreely.

Update

2010-07-16T19:58:00.003+08:00

Really miss the sec1 sec2 days now.. So free of worries, having pointless lessons.. And most importantly, 2 pe lessons per week! Mmmm, yes, im always looking forward to tuesday now. Only tuesday. Well most importantly, i really miss 2-1..

Seriously, i wasnt in any "clique" in the class, and did not have any super close friends, cept for jonathan. Still remembered the days after exams where we will play chinese chess and all, screening movies which kai jiun and i were barely interested in. Getting a thrashing from kai jiun's forces. Beating victor in dumb. Losing occasionally to jonathan in chinese chess. Always getting thrashed by jonathan in the self created version of the chess.

Its mad really, to think that time passed that quickly. I couldnt even remember my sec 1 days anymore. How i wish victor was still in our school. How i wish kai jiun was never that smart. How i wish 2-1 will be together like forever.. and ever..

But everyone seems to be doing well in their classes as well. And 2-1 was hardly mentioned anymore. I have to admit im doing very well in 3-1, with all those nice guyz as well. We the muggers.

Urgh, so long since i posted. Really not really in the mood nor do i have the time to post these few days.. Seriously tired, its crazy. World spins madly around me. Bio test, chem test on monday. Training tomorrow, match on sunday. Its truly a test of my time management.

I know i can do it, and gotta do it. Have to.

Its back to the same topic again, somwhere around in last november. Love.

Like seriously, is there true love? ________ is thinking of "changing a crush" because she d0esnt like him. ?!?!?!. Whats that supposed to mean? Just liking her face.

______ rushed to meet her from 1.35-2+. and took taxi back to school. Was it worthwhile?

We dreaming everyday for her to tell you, "actually, i love you a lot."

But we know that never will just never come. Humans are that selfish yes. We want her to say it to us, not us to them. I want you to say you love me, and then ill love you back.

Im sick of your face, maybe it was a mistake back then.

Why is everyone so troubled my love? Lol, what a stupid topic im talking about.

From eugene: I hate you, because i love you.

Love will lead to hatred? Then id rather choose not to love.

Sorry, its not up to me. Theres no choice.

Im desperate for a championship. I want to shut their mouth.

Not what i was anymore

2010-07-13T21:23:00.002+08:00

I cant highball!! Omg, why?? Seriously cant find the solution to this problem, been trying at home.. In school.. Disgracing myself. Omg wth, basic stuff! Seriously gotta buck up on everything.. Studies, floorball.. Urgh, so many things. So many tests to study. Training, matches, homeworks, tests.. Driving me nuts. Excel in sports and studies, you can do it!! Apparently im heading the wrong way already. Not excelling in both aspects now. Now what?

Training again tmr. Dreading it completely. Trying to change this mindset, really. If i bring this mindset into training, ill just waste my 3 hours of time there. 100%. You cant possibly think of studies when you are on the court, its no use worrying when you are already training. So, come on, get back yourself!

Turns out i was kept in the dark all along.

Argh, i miss maplestory.

WHAT?

2010-07-05T19:20:00.002+08:00

LOL, i seriously cant believe im studying for oral. But really hope it helps for me, cause i screwed up so far for all the oral exams in sec 1 and sec 2. So im super motivated to do well this time!! Plus its a major exam.

Yah, played against red flamingoes. Just realised how good the national team was, 27-2. Couldnt even highball. WHAT?

CHinese oral tmr!!!!!!!!!! JIA YOU

Update

2010-07-02T17:48:00.005+08:00

Had hair check yesterday, and my hair was commended to be awesome. Awesome standard in the school of course. Somehow i seem to be starting to regret now. Must we lost it before we learn how to treasure it? Cause i kinda miss you.. You know what i mean dont you?

Had a wonderful end to the long holidays once again, after my cousins came to stay over. It was the two best days of my holiday, never had so much fun. Thanks LOTSSSSS.

First week of school has crawled by, i've never looked forward to a friday this much before during the holidays. Somehow we only cherish things after we have lost it.

School started after 4 weeks of wonderful break. I swear i had the best break in my life. I actually had to rush through the movie review and geography reflection on sunday! Thats simply ridiculous, cause i had 21 days to finish all the homeworks. And really, they werent a lot.

Hadnt touched the computer for quite some time already, super glad im able to now. Had been having late nights these few days, not that i want to, but i simply cant have an early one.

@Ryan: I have no comments about that training session

And to darrell, sorry for injuring you, obviously it was on purpose. Well, truly sorry for making you miss the training session. Get well soon, and own/injure me back.

4 new teachers, and all 4 are super awesome.

Im not into blogging nowadays anymore. Just gonna constantly update about my WONDERFUL life. Life is great.

Afraid of losing these

2010-06-18T23:27:00.008+08:00

The pulai swimming pool, wonderful memories kept here forever.

My brother, handsome much uh? Lovable or hatable?

(He's trying to figure out how to use a sony ericsson phone, L-O-L)

What we did the most in this trip. 自摸平胡清一色！

My mum and brother (preparing to check out)

Favourite, i ate too much of these.. The maple syrup is sickeningly addictive!

My dad! M.I.T=Made in taiwan (:

Going on a holiday overseas always seem too short, the days there doesnt seem to have 24 hours. Even so, 24 hours aint enough, at all.

Time flies when you're having fun. Like really, this statement has been proven right for so many times.

The furthest place i've ever gone to is only australia, and that was when i was K2. But i aint complaining, at all. Cos going with your own family is the best thing, ever.

Closer than your friends, better than your relatives. Thats your family for you.

Desaru pulai's a place full of wonderful and painful memories. I've started going there since, primary school? Every change the resort made was minor, it remained the same. But somehow, we still head over to that place everytime. And this trip, could very well be the last trip with my whole family. My brother's going NS end of this year, dont know if he would be able to make it for a holiday next year when he's inside. Im afraid, im afraid of losing this.

It rained almost the entire day on wednesday. And we played mahjong for the entire period of bad weather, with me cursing and swearing at the rain. But nonetheless, I have no idea at all, we were having so much fun. Just realised my entire family havent been this close for quite a period of time already. I think my family is the best.

My dad, always being called a moron by us, is such a carefree guy. Fun loving, perfect entertainer, mahjong wont be so lively without him. Though he smoked during this trip there, still super proud of him. Cos he immediately stopped when we reached singapore. Thats one hard thing to do. Its like not playing your favourite addicted computer game. Never easy. Our driver during this trip, taking us for lunch and all, forking out money for us to buy stuffs. Though he likes my brother more than me, i've always been trying to get his attention. Is this the last trip we are heading over to desaru?

My mum, the packer. Makes sure everything is in order, takes care of us though shes sick for the entire trip, not willing to join us for tennis, a great mahjong addict. Always forcing us to play mahjong, but it has been wonderful. Forever doting on me more than my brother. The petty one. Are all women that petty?

My brother, I dont know. 老婆如衣服，兄弟如手足。Dont know if ill still be remembered when he marries next time. Cos i had such wonderful times spent together with him. Always been giving in to me. Had such fun playing water polo in the pool. All the laughters, all the smiles, all the smirks, all the vulgarities, all the middle fingers, all the fights, all the tears, all the anger, all the memories. Can someone please turn back the clock?

This can very well be the last trip, so i dedicated a post to this. It'll never be the same without you.

Bricks and mortars make a house, but laughters of children make a home.

Im never gonna get tired of this place.

If only we could start afresh..

How many years more?

World cup

2010-06-11T15:43:00.000+08:00

GO ENGLANDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The most magical thing in the world

2010-06-10T22:40:00.004+08:00

Tell me you dont want this.

Looking at my friends spending money without worries, ill be cheating myself if i say im not the least jealous.

So many people kept insisting that im rich, no idea why too. Telling you now, my dad quit smoking cause he has no money to!

Anyway, its surely a blessing in disguise! No idea how my dad pulled thorugh the early process.. So proud of him! Not sure if he'll start smoking again if he has the money again. Dont even know if i should give him money to buy cigarettes next time when hes old.

I just wanna say this, i see no point in eating fast food and at restaurants. At the end, you will be whacking your chest for spending so much when you shit everything out, literally shit.

"If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have..that money cant buy."

I dont know how true this quote is, cause.

Money cant buy you everything, but you need money to buy everything.

2010-06-10T22:39:00.001+08:00

Do you even remember who i am?

Destiny

2010-06-10T21:47:00.002+08:00

Turns out that i missed the fun yesterday. Weird, cause everything seems predestined.

Fated that this will end, that will end some time, some place, some how.

Fated that ill meet my cousin at cottonon.

But really, one question that i cant answer.

Why is your life so complicated?

I feel i can never understand you, literally never. Okay well, i never did.

I dont even get what you mean, i mean, i never understood.

Its weird that this feeling keeps coming back to me.

Its the holidays now again, but everything is not like it used to be anymore.

Marmaduke

2010-06-10T00:10:00.004+08:00

Thumbs up for this movie

Anyway, caught up with primary school mates. Okay well not really, cause there was only gwen,rachael,shaun,kenneth and i, though jason joined in the end..

It just keeps turning on and off.

Floorball

2010-06-08T22:17:00.002+08:00

Feel like my life's getting controlled by it. My only free days seem to be monday and friday during the holidays now. All other days its either training or match. I really dont know, a floorball future doesnt seem too bright, especially if you cant even pull off a simple shot, especially if you get laughed at for your shot. It sucks, when people say,

"Combined schools damn big ah."
"Combined schools tua lah."
"Combined schools..Combined schools..Combined schools."

Really fucked up with all these comments.

Plus i keep panicking when under pressure, needa change this quickly. They are humans after all, its not like they are some ginormous shittyhallowbomb chasing after me.

Top 4?

Tsk...

2010-06-08T21:58:00.003+08:00

Cant believe this, im getting stressed over going out tomorrow!

I absolutely cannot believe i have the hatred for movies.. It's like, everyone's wanting to watch something or something.

Weird weird weird, plus its like an annual chance to meet my primary school mates. It's been so long since i last saw them! BUT, my mum's sick! And dont think brother will be at home to take care of her. Shit, plus im left with 4 dollars to spend.. Plus, i have match at 6.. Plus, i dont want to reject the bowling.

Omg, why must everything fall on this wednesday. Bloody wednesday? Nah, bloody sunday. Wt, i have no idea what im writing now. Just typing out everything i want to say to somebody. I can ask money from my parents yeah, but really, my dad quitted smoking cause he has no money to smoke..

But i rarely go out, right? Yes.

And some people say im that kind of people who dont hang out with you guys or something, i seriously dont know. No money, no interest maybe. Call me what you like, say i have the time to loiter outside SOMEBODY's house. Yes yes. Anything. Point is, i cant make up my mind now!

Seriously dont know what to do. But the main point is, i hate movies. But again, annual chance. Only valid tomorrow. Wt.. What now. I dont know.

But i feel like meeting yall tomorrow.

我不知道。

妈妈的话

2010-06-04T20:23:00.002+08:00

妈妈说，你不要羡慕那有钱的人，有钱的烦恼你一定听闻，也不要追求那虚荣名声，你爬得越高就会跌得越深。

It's been great

2010-06-04T14:12:00.001+08:00

It's been great this holidays. Just that, almost my whole body is aching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cant stand it anymore, and have no idea bout the counter pain thing. Shit, tmr training again.

It sucks when you cant shoot.

Love

2010-05-29T20:20:00.003+08:00

You made me discover that love between friends existed.

I stared at my phone for a moment as it rang, with the super long number showing. I picked it up anyway.

"Hello jarryl"

God, the feeling was great(?) to hear your voice. Its been so long since we met each other, its funny.

"I missed you.."

As (composed) as i sounded, i was touched. I never knew love between guy friends existed, although maybe i was neglected when you were with the girls there.

But i made it sound as if i didnt care about the call at all. I just have no idea what to say, at all! Plus i was in a hospital that time.

Oh and eugene called too. Haha, and the bye was so quick, we seem to have nothing to say to each other, although i hope your face has improved..

But really, thanks for calling.

I missed you too.

Grandparents

2010-05-29T20:06:00.005+08:00

Will both of you ever get so close again?

I just realised how much i've neglected you.

Watching how much difficulty you have just in sleeping alone, shaking even when you're sleeping, i felt helpless. How much you have favoured four of us, even the blind could tell. Giving us money every week even though you have none left to spend. Looking merely at the tube going through your nose, i cant describe my feelings. It's a mixture of heartbreak,sadness, and helplessness. Just cant write it out.

As you tried forcefully to open up your tiny eyes, you looked cute for a moment, i swear.

Monday is just a few hours away. Persevere!!

I can only stand and watch, how useless am i.

But you will get well soooon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's always been like this. You getting scolded every week we head back to your house. Taking care of us before you got the sickness, its really saddening to watch you in this state, especially for 5 of them. Its no wonder they have to scold you.

But i really dont know, to pity you or to be angry with you too. So i only stand by one side.

Grandfather

2010-05-27T21:09:00.002+08:00

Get well soon, ah gong. Hope to see you at toa payoh soon. Know you'll never get to see this, nor will you understand. But im writing this to seek help, seek help for you. Please be discharged from hospital soon, im still waiting to play mahjong..

Please..

2010-05-27T18:28:00.001+08:00

你不要以为你是赌神，等一下赌到什么都没有剩。

早熟

2010-05-25T22:22:00.003+08:00

说真的，女孩子的心是不是那么容易打动呢？

在华文课时到了auditorium戏剧堂去观看一部电影，“早熟”。说实在，这部电影其实也不是那么真实。可是，这部电影却让我沉思了不少。

看着男主角（家富）的决心，真令人感动。每天都在若男学校门口默默地看着她，只能默默地看着。这社会怎么那么现实啊？来自穷家庭的人往往都会被瞧不起，不是名校的学生常都会被鄙视。

就因为若男家有钱，她爸爸就完全看不起穷小子家福，多么奇怪啊，不会吗？可是，这时爱的力量就却现生了。俩夫妻离家出走，到偏僻的地方过“二人世界”。家富对若男的爱，是谁都不可怀疑的。同样的，若男也深爱着家富。家富出外谋生，若男在家洗衣烧菜，生活过得那么幸福啊。那阵子，我还真希望能和自己心爱的女生这样生活。

可是，现实总是残酷的。爱，真的能永久吗？渐渐的，他们彼此的感情淡薄了。最终，他们还是度过了这个考验，真为他们感到高兴。

但是，导演只是要做出一个美满的结局罢了。我想，他们最终还是会分开吧。

因为，爱只是暂时对一个人有特别好感而已。